Weekend review

Monday morning...time to get ready for the week ahead.  I'm really so excited...my distant BFF/editor has returned my chapters with only a few suggestions and corrections, so I anticipate finishing those adjustments this week.  She is strongly encouraging me to go ahead and publish, so I think that I will be holding off on book #3 in order to finish polishing these first two books.  At the moment, book #2 seems closer to being finished than book #1, but I can hardly publish them in that order, can I?  I suppose Silk could be a 'prequel'!

We had a very busy weekend with friends and family, and we went to see the Savannah Arts Academy's Junk to Funk Fashion Show, which was doubtlessly the most incredible performance I've seen here in Savannah--completely pulled together and sophisticated.  The dance program participated, and the students did a supreme job with their modern dance.  Lights, fog, pulsating music the entire time...it was a trip!  Anyhow, I'm still elated that we've found our 'secret' venue for affordable, wonderful entertainment--and still worried about losing the two fabulous male dancers to graduation this spring, but I'm sure the shows will go on!

Oh, the reason I was particularly interested in this show is because it showcases the visual arts students' works.  Fiona has always wanted to be an artist, so I wanted to make a point of letting her see this, as we attend so many dance programs and she's been enthused about those (and considering the dance program).  During the dance intermissions, though, we generally walk through the impressive student art gallery, but this time it was the feature event. 

Alex and I will be back at the Arts Academy for its open house on Tuesday.  I have a strong predilection for the school and have already toured, but I think we are going to visit a few open houses for different high schools together to see what he likes.  He's leaning a bit towards SAA, but he's been pretty clear that art is not a real passion of his, and I do want him to choose for himself--as fully informed as possible.  Though he won't be applying for a while, there are always ducks to get in a row, and I want him to have time to do so.

The children are also getting ready to play for judges at the PianoFest competition at Armstrong.  They are not playing to win, as there will be a host of small prodigies there, but it will be a good experience for them.  They are always more motivated to practice when there's a solid goal for which to prepare.  I have to admit that I'm starting to feel pretty darn proud of them.  They can both really play the piano!  No, they're not much for sight-reading new music, and it's still a lot of work, but they sound really great on what they know.  (Guess what area I'm rather hoping Alex might go into at the Arts Academy?  We'll see...)

And...the skinny-fying calendar?  Hmm, looking pretty good, I guess.  Mostly gold, some silver stars.  Slipped in another mocha this weekend, though!  But I feel good and am crediting myself about 5-6 lbs of 'trimming up' thus far.  To be honest, it's gotten so much easier, and I don't want to really reduce the calorie intake any more than I am, so I'm inclined to drop the calendar and just try to not focus on it too much...but you know what that can lead to, right?  All sorts of delicious chicanery!  And in no time I'd be back to where I started.  So, I will try to give my health its due by maintaining the calendar and calorie-counting, while refocusing on my books and kids.

Hmm, perhaps I should start a house-cleaning calendar next!  Hah!  Just kidding. :)  I'd better stop that before I frighten myself!

 

First edit of Tapestry complete!

Whew!  I'm done with my first complete author's edit of Tapestry.  Yay!  I've gotten back over half from my dear editor, so far, so I'll still be engaged with this editing process for a while longer.  Then I'll have to re-read it, partly to make sure that I pieced it back together appropriately! 

After that, believe it or not, it's back to Silk for awhile.  Still mulling over a new chapter 2 and 3, possibly, and then a big read and/or edit (if that seems necessary).

So much to do, and book #3 looms on the horizon!

Mocha!

That Mocha was the best ever!  Yes, I had one yesterday in the Venti size (that's the super-big one!).  What's better than sitting with a close friend, sipping on your favorite drink?  I savored every sip, but there was a curious fallout from it.  It was my first coffee in at least a week, and I came home in the evening feeling strangely jumpy and jittery.  My nerves were fraught!  Anyhow, I was a bit upset about my state, wondering all sorts of psychologically-based stuff about "why am I upset?" and so forth, when Michael pointed out, "It's the mocha!"  Suddenly, though I still had the jittery nerves, I realized he was right and was totally able to laugh about it and let go of my worries. 

Just so long as I know what's going on...  Isn't that true, though?  It's much more upsetting to have an ache or bruise or strange ailment, if you don't know how it happened.

So, yep, I'm in the groove, I think, with this whole calorie deal.  Gold stars up the wazoo!:)  Feels pretty darn good to say that about my mocha day, too!  I took the green stars (for the 'not exorbitantly out of reason' days) and used them to decorate my 'pounds lighter' column.  It maxes at 10 lbs for the month, and I allowed myself to decorate the first 4 lbs.  That's based on the 'low' numbers of fluctuation, with the first 'low' on evening #2.  I'm totally on track to get to my 10!

Tapestry edit

Yay!  I'm 75% through with my first complete edit of Tapestry.  I have a suspicion that the last quarter will take a little more work as it's definitely seen the least review, but we'll see how it goes. 

It's curious that, when I switch to dialogue, the other commentary seems to fall away.  I have no trouble going on for pages about someone's musings, but once they start talking, forget it!  At least, that was first draft.  I believe I'm resolving all that and adding the clarifying, "he said, she asked" where appropriate.

Anyhow, that's my progress bar there!  First complete edit is by no means last edit, and I'm shipping them off to my BFF for her editing notes.  So far, and she's returned maybe the first third of the book, there haven't been nearly as many changes as with the first book, but I'd like to think it's because I absorbed some of her lessons the first time.  She kept railing, "No, Sonya, you can't call characters by a bunch of different names--you need a system."  Honestly, that's far from the truth...she'll make a clear suggestion and won't argue, but she'll repeat the suggestion over and over as the situation recurrs, until I've argued myself out and accepted it!  Afterwards, I wonder why I'm so hard-headed, when I finally adopt the system and see that she's absolutely right!

So, anyhow, I had a bit of a learning curve while editing Silk, and I'm hoping that's why Tapestry is showing far fewer corrections (cuz it's really, super-good! Right?).  I try to stick with one name in the general writing, only resorting to pet names in dialogue, though I have a few exceptions to that, depending on whose perspective we're working from.  I'm afraid I'm still not absolutely consistent!  We'll see what she says.

Anyhow, I suppose I'm excited to have some sort of goal to focus on in the endless editing process!  Hah...I think this is hard?  There's no telling what a publishing house might do to my books!  Hack, cut, slice...

My Extremism

You know, I fought doing this calorie-counting thing for ages.  When I last slimmed up some, I did it, but I wasn't as diligent (hence the mistake with the coffee calories).  I really wasn't willing to throw myself whole-heartedly into it.  Why?  Well, for one, I do theoretically believe in moderation.  Two, I didn't want to give food that much of my time and attention;  I wanted to focus on what was important to me--family, friends, my children, my writing, my studies, my pleasures in life.  Three, I absolutely did not want to model a body image problem for my children.  Four, I had those brief brushes with the anorexic mindset as a teenager.

With regards to #4, I was at one time meticulously documenting my calories and successfully dropping the pounds (from over 130 lbs.) until I was a 90-something pound teen and feeling disgusted with myself, wanting to lose more...no, it was unhealthy, and I realized that later.  My mother may have done the wisest thing that a parent in that situation could have done--she refused to buy me school clothes unless I was at least 100 lbs., so I gained back up to 100-101.  It's rather phenomenal, but at some fundamental level I trusted my mother's judgment, despite resenting her for it.

Later, a very close friend became anorexic.  At least, I believe she did.  She was hospitalized more than once, and her personality morphed.  She became completely self-absorbed and truly uncaring about her friends' feelings.  That last bit concerns me most of all...I wouldn't ever want to get to the point where the most important thing in my universe is counting calories.  So, even though I have gone through calorie-counting phases, I've always hung back from devoting myself to it. 

All of 2010, I hoped that I could just be 'reasonable' and not give it too much thought, but, somehow (maybe my coffee had a big role) the pounds kept sneaking up on me.  Finally, I realized that I was pretty unhappy with the situation.  If I didn't do something more significant than just 'be reasonable', I would be compromising my health.  And, you know, at a certain point you can cause permanent damage.  Thankfully, I don't think I was at that point yet. 

So, unfortunately, despite all the reasons I listed above for not wanting to count calories, I feel I must embrace the ritual.  I have to count calories--I have to obsess on it a bit, or it clearly won't happen.  And, you know, I have experience with what works for me.  Yes, the 'slimming up' a bit of a couple years ago involved intensive exercise (and subsequent knee surgery), but I can't do that anymore.  The 'anorexic phase' of my teen years, though, did not involve exercise at all, just diligent, meticulous recording of calories.

So, I'm sorry to my children to model this sort of behavior.  It sucks, and I did put the chart in my bathroom, originally intending not to even tell them.  And you know, Alex brought me a candy cane last night, so excited.  "It's only 40 calories, Mom!"  He was eating one, too.  Also, he asked me about a low-cal food and I shared about veggie bouillion soup.  He was thrilled!  He had 2 bowls last night and one this morning, saying "only 5 calories...and I bet I burn more than that while I'm eating it!"  Ironically, Alex has always tended to gain weight with me, too...

Anyhow, I guess I'm sorry on one count (because I don't want my children to be weight-obsessed), but on another it's kinda good.  Alex wants to be healthy, and he has a tendency to weight gain, too.  If he decides he needs to add on some pounds, I don't doubt he'll do exactly that.  And, hey, would it be better for me to model embracing fatty, junk foods?  Especially if Alex has inherited my tendency towards weight gain?  Honestly, though, he's really trimming up right now--those growth spurts, you know.  He'll probably be a bean pole in a year or two, so I don't want him to 'diet' or anything, but he's really supportive.

Fiona knows what she likes.  She eats a lot quite often, but so long as she doesn't develop any weight issues (and she's always been the perfect size), I don't mind--only I do wish she'd eat more veggies!

The kids are fine, there's no fear of me becoming too thin (my sis laughed at the idea!), and I clearly need to address the issue--an issue that deserves both time and attention.  While I know that my blog may be tedious to readers, I suppose I hope it's a bit like one of those weight-loss shows.  I could fail out!  But this is my way of putting the pressure on myself.  And, you know what?  It wouldn't hurt for the anorexic bug to bite me for a while.  Y'all can pull an intervention if I ever get too skinny!  Right? :)     

Day 7: "Best" Day Yet

Despite planning on a mocha yesterday, or maybe because of planning on that mocha, yesterday was my lowest-calorie day yet (under 1000!).  Actually, we can theoretically lower our metabolism if we consume too few calories, as our bodies think we're 'starving', so I did not plan that--I think I was trying to save calories for the mocha, which I didn't make (Hah!  that way I can still relish plans for it!).  It is now planned for tomorrow on a venture to Starbucks...ouch!  I just looked up the calories of a scone, and that's pushing 500!  So, sounds like I should stick with just the mocha (320) and eat brunch beforehand!

Are you identifying a theme in my blogs for the past week?  Yes--coffee!  The headache is still gone, but the craving is there.  I'd best leave alcohol, cigarettes and drugs alone, eh?  I rather have a tendency to addiction! 

Okay...yes, life is beginning to resume.  I'm back to editing and actually am hoping to make a lot of progress this week.  Can you believe?  The kids actually have a full week of school!  Amazing! 

Oh, and that room cleaning?  Pshaw!  When Fiona woke up that Saturday morning and reconsidered, she totally wanted to go with the boys!  Anyhow, I was a little forlorn at having our plans disrupted, and, though I usually want to hole up at home and relish alone time, I opted to join the outing, too, after confirming with Alex that he didn't mind us gals tagging along.  It was alright...I like Alex's friends just fine--pleasant blokes! 

We saw Tron Legacy 3D, which I opted not to post a review on Facebook for, simply because I think I'm not the target audience anymore.  Everyone else seemed to like it pretty well, but I was quite bored much of the time, to my surprise.  (See?  Still felt the urge to review, despite not making it official!)

Speaking of reviews, Fiona and I began the very first season of Lizzie McGuire together yesterday, as she wanted to work out with me.  Now, I shouldn't be the target audience there, either, but I loved it!  Totally cute.  Maybe it's the girly thing...and it's getting into social dramas and such, always fascinating!

Meanwhile, Alex was at Michael's office getting a second acupuncture treatment.  He's very psyched about them and says they make him feel great!  "Acupuncture is Awesome!" were his words, I believe!

 

Getting Easier: Days 5 & 6

No real hunger and no coffee withdrawal symptoms, though I did go through a mocha urge yesterday.  I was very seriously weighing a mocha against a full meal with hot tea and soup...and the mocha was winning.  However, somehow I never made it.  I fully intended to, but I kept thinking, "I'll wait a little longer."  So, that's good...I guess.  But I may have one today.

No new discoveries for you--except that I discovered I like the miso soup fine with no oil.  Oh, I made Michael laugh last night when I reported my great calorie count and no mocha, followed by, "but I had a candy bar."

His eyes bulged, he was so shocked (seems I've been a bit of a Nazi!).  It was so worth it, though...one of those Dove dark chocolate bars, 190 cal.

Actually, I also had a small slice of pizza on Saturday, and I've definitely been planning and dreaming of more sinful indulgences, but they'll work out if I meter them out right, right?

Yes, planning on a mocha today...probably.  That said, I should put a little thought into some healthier meal plans! 

Results...weight fluctuations seem to indicate a 2.5 lb slimming total so far.  Hard to say, of course, as I'd rather claim the 8.5 lb drop!  Yes, it's a slow process, and I'll probably keep boring you with it just to help stay focused.   

A Right Smart Lad

Alex is joining a Chess group at school. We play occasionally at home, and he does beat me sometimes, but he was thrilled to find out that he could even beat the chess teacher, who said to him, "See you at the Chess Tournament in the winner's circle!" and told Alex's friend, when Alex lost his queen, "See, even the best players can make mistakes!"

Anyhow, Alex totally flattered me, "Mom, YOU should be the chess teacher." So, yeah...my head's swollen, though I don't think that I'm really that good, given that I don't play with any sort of strategy. Oh, Michael can totally whip me at it once he gets warmed up, too! I'm sure Alex will eventually be a lot better than both of us, though.

Oh, on Thursday Alex was inducted into the Beta Club at school.  Parents were invited to pin their children, and I was at first inclined to sit back and let Michael do it alone (being prone to shun the spotlight), until I thought about the fact that I had also been in the Beta Club in Junior High School.  It felt sort of special to make that association, so I gathered my shy little nerve and got up there!

My Babes' Special Day

So, Alex finally gets his 'birthday party' today.  This, like Fiona's last birthday, will consist of Michael taking Alex and two of his friends out for a 'fun day'--movie, laser tag, etc.  So much fun for them, and a HUGE relief for me.  That Greek God party last year 'bout done me in!  So cool, great memory, but a major drain on energy, time, and creativity--plus, I'm a recluse by nature, and the whole socializing with a horde of folks at once is fairly traumatic to my psyche!

My theory right now is that I might be able to persuade them to do this 'fun day' option at least every other year.  Then, maybe, I won't mind the work and planning that goes into a big shindig so much.  Truly, I didn't think I could face throwing a party again at Fiona's birthday last year, but I might be up to it this year (though I wouldn't complain if she opts for something else).

Fiona was very graciously given the option to join them (not an offer made to him for the girl outing for Fiona's birthday, I don't believe!).  While she was tempted by all the fun events, I was floored when she opted for staying home with me--to clean her room!  I did say that I would help direct her, whereas generally I just tell her to clean it.  It's pretty awful, though, and the child employs some major avoidance strategies (including storying, unfortunately) to not do it. 

Actually, she's very excited about what comes after the room cleaning.  She's got three craftsy/artsy projects to choose from...I will let you know what we pick (if we get to it, which Michael doubts, given the state of her room). 

Truly, though, I think my little girl wants to simply spend a day with me.  Alex went to Michael's office yesterday, and she came home.  We had a fun time playing the Wii together, after an emergency bicycle trip to check out where she thought she saw a lost bunny (not ours).  She's been gone so much lately for sleepovers and trips that she really needs the down time at home/with mommy.  What a sweetie-pie!

Vinegar and Miso Soup Helpers! Day 4: Food Appreciation

Day 4 was my 'best' day yet calorie-wise...and I didn't have the pangs or caffeine-withdrawal headache!  In fact, I was finally able to get a bit more editing done (whew!). 

Tip 1:  Miso soup is great!  I absolutely recommend!  It does feel more hearty than the broth, and I did use a little olive oil to make it--but pretty negligible calorie content overall!

Tip 2:  Vinegar!  Plain old white vinegar on salad adds a special zing and brightness that works!  At 2 cals a serving, I'm sold! 

One of the perks to limiting your intake of food is that everything seems to taste better, somehow.  Of course, I'm putting more thought than I generally do into what I eat.  While that is definitely a generally good idea, I've discovered in the past that I can while away all my spare hours of the day in the kitchen, creating more complex recipes than my 'fast foods'.  By the time we factor in all the foods to prepare for the kids, too...well, the kitchen already gets too much time.

I continue to measure...this enabled me to have two tacos for dinner last night!  I was thrilled!  I wasn't sure I could eat them, but my calorie count still came out pretty fabulous. 

The rest of my food for the day consisted of a sandwich (only 100 cal for the light Thomas whole grain English muffins!) and popcorn.  Couldn't have done it without the miso soup and salad!

Animal Behavior

Alex:

In the car yesterday, Alex was stuffing his face with the chips (snapea crisps).  Irritated at the crumbs and behavior, I asked him to put one in his mouth at a time and then chew with his mouth closed.  He tried this and moaned as if it were unbearable.  I reminded him more than once, threatening to take them away.  When I finally took the bag away from him, he nodded his gratitude.  He would rather do without than use basic manners!  (Yes, I told him I was going to post this!  He was happy about it, claiming that he gave me lots to write about!)

Rabbits:

Be-bop and Lorelai live indoors now.  They reside in separate cages downstairs, unfortunately.  I simply can't have them running through the house tearing everything apart.  Be-bop, however, is turning out to be a sweetheart for the kids.  Since she's so handy, they often grab her out of the cage to hold while they are doing homework, and they even set her up in a chair next to them while they practice piano.  It's too cute!  Be-bop, however, has a big flaw.  She loves to bite and tear holes.  When she's had enough of holding, she'll bite.  Also, it's just fun for her with cloth.  She rips countless holes in the towel in her cage, and, yesterday, she ripped a big hole in the front of Alex's nice sweater.  I was NOT pleased!  She also chews on a wood plank in her cage and possibly caused the extensive damage to poor Lorelai...

Chickens:

At dusk, Bach started behaving quite strangely.  She was aggressively pecking at the back door.  I figured, "Wow, they must be really hungry--they're usually going to roost around now," and took out some food.  Soon after they finished eating, Bach began the door attack again.  This time, Michael was home and he opened the door, laughingly responding, "Do you want to come in?"  Immediately, Bach came inside and flew up onto the table!  We put her back outside, and soon this strange incident repeated itself when I opened the door.

Now, Alex let out the chickens yesterday morning.  He is not often assigned the task, so he forgot to open the partition that leads to the outdoors from the coop--they'd been locked out all day!  Bach was planning to roost on our table!  Isn't that funny?  Apparently, they expect to be indoors at night! 

Anyhow, I think that internal clock is much stronger in chickens than in us.  Poor Bach was in quite a tizzy about it!  Oh, and we are getting an egg every other day or so, despite winter and molting.

 

Farewell, Dear Coffee...

Update on Days 2 & 3 of Skinny-fying Month: 

I'll go ahead and make my apologies for no update on days 2 and 3, but I'm hoping the 'traumatic' part is past.  I was going through calorie and caffeine withdrawal and felt tired and crappy!  But I woke early this morning feeling better for now, so here's the scoop!

First week's hardest, right?  Well, in most ways.  Actually, I think sometimes the nice thing about week one is that you're motivated.  It can be easy to slip 'off the wagon' as your enthusiasm dwindles, but that's a conversation for later!

About My Coffee:

Yes, I discovered that I'm pretty much wrong about getting to have 'anything' I want.  Sure, theoretically I could make a very small cup of my coffee...hmm, a thought!  But I'd probably still be going through the withdrawals.  Up until my month began, I'd make a 4 cup pot of coffee and have 2 or 3 big mugs of coffee out of it --probably 6 cups or more with the soymilk...and just sip on that through the day as I go about my way.  Actually that sounds like a huge amount, doesn't it?  I had thought it wasn't too bad, as I used to make a big pot of coffee before I got the small coffee maker!

I was good with that when I was clueless as to the calorie content of the honey.  I'd calculated that my soymilk was about 200 cal, so, with honey, maybe 350?  In fact, I've used that number generally when I've be watching calories.  I knew that my soy mocha at Starbucks was about 350, and this was not the chocolatey confection of that! 

However, with my cute little scale that tares my coffee cup, I added my normal amount of honey and actually calculated the astronomical calorie content.  Unless my calculations were wrong (as my little girl very discerningly suggested!), my 2 mugs of coffee per day give me a whopping 1000 calories alone!

So, given that it's hard enough to keep calories in check without that extra 1000 calories,  I'm going to say farewell to coffee for now.  In fact, the way I see it, it needs to be a fairly permanent goodbye...except maybe that occasional Starbucks indulgence on a mopey day, or a celebratory day, or a day that ends in -y.  Just kidding! :)

Yes, I'm bummed.  The soymilk provided protein and calcium, the local honey fights allergies to pollens, coffee reduces gallstones and has many nutritive properties.  While I don't exactly term coffee a 'health food', it's a far cry from sodas.  So, I didn't think my coffee was so bad...especially since I'd drastically underestimated the calorie content.

I went through a bit of a crisis with it, actually.  In desperation, I ran to the stores twice and tried three variations with different sweeteners yesterday and hated them all--even adding a modest portion of honey for flavor.  I then thought, 'I could learn to like it black', but, while I'm sure that's true, I don't like it black now and since I don't really regard it as a health food, that seems rather pointless.

I do really like black teas, green teas, and herbal teas unsweetened, so it's back to those!

Regarding Food Measuring Devices:

I highly, highly recommend the scale and measuring cups.  I've always been a fan of estimating.  Estimating is great once you truly do have a good idea of how much stuff you're adding, but, initially, it's best to measure. 

Also, look up those calorie amounts if possible.  I am dismayed by the way fats and sweets add on calories.  Rather dense, right?  But it's true!  Lowfat and minimal sweeteners from now on...

I love the scale.  It tares, so you don't have to have all sorts of extra containers.  Throw that bowl or cup or whatever on there, and tare it to zero, then add your stuff and measure!

Progress:

So, calorie counts are pretty much on track.  Only one 'gold star' day, but, given my headache, hunger, and the fact that I am eschewing a ton of stuff that I normally would have consumed without much thought, they're all a slimming success.  The scale agrees :).  In fact, Day 2 saw 6 lbs lighter (equals score of 6) than Day 0 at one point.  Those fluctuations are annoying, but it's nice that all measurements have been in the right direction!  The score was 6 on Day 2 and only 0.5 on Day 3 (so 5.5 lbs more than Day 2!), but that's normal fluctuation for me and not consistent measurements with regards to time and clothing.  The goal is to consistently be at a score of around 10 by the end of the month (that's pounds lighter than initial weight).

I will submit my gratitude that I kept exercise as an independent factor.  It was nice to get my star yesterday with no exercise...but I did miss my stamp.  So, even though I'll work for the 'stamp of approval' for exercising in the future, it didn't affect my motivation to stick with the calorie levels at all.  No star demotion or anything like that!  I'm planning to finally get to know my Wii Fit game a little better, and of course I'll mostly elliptical.

What I ate:

Day 2 was an eat-out day, which made it especially challenging.  I had that 1 mug of morning coffee, where I measured the honey and was astounded.  I took a friend out for lunch and had a small salad and veggie plate.  I love that veggie plate, but the featured item was oozing with olive oil, so I only ate half of it (and am very proud indeed!).  Dinner was miso soup and veggie sushi for our take-out Asian night.

Day 3 was most satisfying, as I made a big pot of lentil soup with very little oil.  I hadn't realized how much better it tastes with a bit more oil in the cooking, but that's alright!  I ate that most of the day, actually, with maybe 500 cal from a few other sources.  Good day and not hungry at the end!

Oh, but beware the calorie content even of the beans and such.  I calculated that the 2 cups of dried lentils used to make the soup equalled about 1580 cal alone.  The veggies do have a few cals, but not bad.  I did eat much of the pot, but there's a big bowl of leftovers for the next day or two, thank goodness.  It's nice to consume something that feels hearty!

Plans:

I'm going to reintroduce myself to the miso soup home-style.  I've had miso in the fridge, but I've really gotten away from it.  I actually find that the veggie broths, instead of filling me up, seem to whet my appetite!  I'm hoping it's a different experience with the miso soup.    

Alright, that's it for now!  How delightful not to have a headache this morning!   

    

Day 1 of My Skinny-fying Month begins

Yes, I know it's super-early to report on today, but I am quite excited about the morning's progress.  Contrary to nature, I have put off my coffee--yes, I have!  I understand that black coffee has no calories, but mine is always laden heavily with soy milk and honey--rather a morning honey latte.  So, no, I'm not giving it up, I'm just 'saving' it for later in the day as my HUGE treat. 
Also, where things go wrong immediately is generally that I cook the kids a great big, hearty breakfast.  If I'm not strong-willed and strict with myself, I partake of it and generally eat more than they do, when all is said and done...plus my honey latte.
So, kudos to me :)...this morning I took not a bite of their breakfasts and gave all leftovers to pets.  Then, absolutely starving, once I was alone I cooked an absolutely delicious 265 cal onion, spinach, and egg concoction with Italian herbs and a big, 40? cal steaming cup of broth.  At this point, I've eaten about half of the egg dish and plan to wait to have the other half later. 
So, no, I don't plan to deluge you with the entirety of my daily menus in such excruciating detail, but I probably will give you the highlights over the next month, just to keep myself psyched. :)  I have plans now to edit (ch11-12 of Tapestry) and look up my balsamic vinaigrette recipe for my afternoon salad.  Oh, you know, I pulled out the spinach container and saw the entire 5 oz package only had like 50 cal?  Amazing!  But that was breakfast...lunch involves some absolutely gorgeous green leaf lettuce plus lots of goodies on top (promise to count and measure!--I've actually got this cute little scale that I haven't made much use of yet, but I've seen them on 'The Biggest Loser' and am looking forward to it!)

Ack! A Month-Long Skinny-fying Chart!

Remember that Month-Long Novel Writing Chart, designed to do something pretty remarkable?  Well, it worked for me, and I once joked that I needed something like that for weight management.  I had hoped not to focus too much on the weight stuff and just use normal self-restraint to get a grip, but unfortunately, I seem to have become increasingly indulgent with myself, if the scale and my clothes are any indication!  So, in an effort to reverse this trend, I have created a Month-Long Skinny-fying chart--totally cute and peppy!  Different levels of stars for varying levels of calorie control (meaning I actually have to count calories, ick!), only, with no adjustments for exercise.  I decided to leave out exercise as a star factor because I actually have to be pretty detached to that, given my fussy joints and all, and I don't want to be disheartened if my body's not up to it!  The calorie control should be something I can do any time, though, without negatively impacting my body.  However, and I love this, I get a cute stamp on the days that I exercise, in addition to my calorie control star.  That way, there's independent incentive.

Ideally, once I focus on all this for the next month, I'll get in 'the zone' and remain there, since obviously I won't get where I want to be in one single month.  And calorie control is a bit like writing a novel--the first week is definitely hardest.  (Meaning...I may not have to keep putting the energy into a chart, and bothering with 'counting' all the calories, once I'm used to it and have established a pattern.  That said, if it works, perhaps I should continue!)

So, it's all positive and peppy.  Yes, there's weight tracking, but it's based on plus numbers--as in counting pounds lighter, not writing the Number-Which-Shall-Not-Be-Named.  The word count tally on the side, which I filled to hit 50,000 words?  Well, now it's got a scale on the bottom, instead of a typewriter, and it maxes out at lightening by 10 pounds (my very reasonable hope for one month!).  

Okay, so...we'll see how this goes.  I'm excited by the idea.  NO punishment or Negative words allowed, except in this paragraph to explain.  I get to eat ANYTHING I want--deprivation is not part of this!  We just count calories...so I can absolutely have whatever, within reason, quantity-wise.  We don't say negative words and ideas (like weight loss, as if it's a loss).  All happy, no punishment.  I get stickers and stars and, eventually, hopefully, I'll get to fit into some of my 'skinnier' clothes--maybe.  Maybe not, though, as I can't exercise like I used to.  But any trimming up is better than the gradual packing on of pounds!

I seriously doubt I ever hit my ideal 'skinny' weight--partly because I'm pretty insane about it.  I've actually never in my life, even when I was too thin briefly as a teenager, been actually happy with my weight.  I completely adore skeletal actresses such as Natalie Portman and Emma Watson--but I do realize those weights are completely absurd for me.  So, instead of focusing on some insane, idealized hope, I'm going to focus on my own clothes that I have packed away and on my star stickers and cutesy stamps.

Yes, I realize hearing these reports will be much more mundane than hearing about my writing progress (because I know you were riveted by that, right?!), but let's think of it as part of the author package.  'Cuz you know what?  If I make it big in the writing world, then they'll want interviews and book signings and all.  And, hey, let's face it, we'd rather see the authors of our beloved books looking as great as possible, right?

Note...this is NOT a topic I typically like to discuss publicly, but that author accountability thing with reporting my chart progress worked well for me, and I tend to stick to things better if I state them publicly!  You have no idea how often in the past year, on an evening after I've stuffed myself, that I've resolved to get a grip.  It sometimes works for a day or so, but then I'm distracted and let it go.  Just talking to myself doesn't cut it!  So, you get to listen and see if this works. 

Just like the writing, which I'd tried before and not finished, I've got a system, a totally new system for me, and I'm optimistically expecting it to work just like the writing chart, where I've got the '10 pounds lighter' banner filled in completely or nearly so in a month.  Meanwhile, I'm totally still dedicated to editing.  I'm definitely not ready to begin book 3 for a time, as I've got a lot of kinks to work out with books 1&2.  At the moment, I'm inclined back towards getting them pulled together and published as e-books ASAP, within reason.  This new resolve has to do with the realization that Rowling and Meyer did not wait to write their whole series before publishing!  But we'll see...it's just one more book planned for the trilogy, for now!

Our Perfectly Imperfect Lives

'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything they have.'

I read this quote in one of those mass e-mails sent by a family member. I've read it before, but the truth of it strikes me poignantly, and I wish I'd been told this adage repeatedly as a child.

However, a couple of issues arise as we address the 'flaws' of this theory:

One, we may end up becoming complacent and settling.

Two, we can sometimes vex others by seeming to brag or otherwise show lack of sensitivity.

Perhaps these are helpful to keep in mind as we struggle to present our best face to this world.

I will readily admit that my own attitude towards and perspective on the world are less than optimal. I truly believe that whiners (i.e., my natural self) will be crushed by the generally dismal lack of sympathy and sensitivity (wonder where I got that idea?) So, keep that chin up! Of course, internalizing the quote above works well to help prevent the whininess from occurring in the first place!

None of us have everything we want. And, even if it did, would it really make us happy? Of course, to a certain extent—yes! At least, for a while. But, once we’d obtained our goals and hopes and dreams, we’d still have things to worry about and be upset over.

What I aspire to do, then, is to see the good in the present. To see what’s beautiful about NOW. And, you know, my life is pretty damn good!

Perhaps the future holds lovely gifts…published, successful novels; grandchildren; ooh, maybe a housekeeper (please oh please!). Maybe I’ll have a fat bank account and a new car and adoring fans…

But I also see the inevitable bodily aging, my adorable children growing up, the death of older family members, possible economic and environmental disasters…

Not to be a pessimist, but, no matter how sunny our futures might be, they also hold pain and strife. That said, those who currently have ‘sunny’ lives or present ‘sunny’ lives also have their own difficulties.

So, regardless of who has more to be thankful for, we will all feel best if we identify and celebrate the wonderful parts of our lives—the natural beauty around us, our accomplishments, the accomplishments of our loved ones… Whether we enjoy the cake we just baked or the counter we just cleaned (that just being a theoretical thought!) or the book we’ve written or the car repair that hubby (or a mechanic) has so wonderfully performed…or even the laugh we’ve shared or the association we’ve made or whatever…by appreciating these things, we will feel happier and more content in the moment, and that’s all that’s truly real, isn’t it?

You know, this is generally a good rule to live by much of the time, but I recognize that there are and will be excruciatingly low moments for all of us. I fall into these myself all too often, even as I realize that what I’ve experienced may not begin to touch the reality that others have endured. When I’m down, it can be painful to hear how happy others are and even can feel piercingly agonizing...but we should know that, as insensitive as others may seem in expressing their own happiness, that they are attempting to take pleasure in the good in their lives. They are recognizing the good there and thus maintaining and expanding their happiness. And, when we are up to it again, perhaps we can do so as well. Perhaps not in the same way (I’ll likely never be a supermodel or president or a billionaire), but each in our own way, with our unique preferences and joys, both great and small.

Ironically, given my constant touting of ‘chin up’ ideals, I have been whining an inordinate amount lately. There are those who sweetly, lovingly incline their sympathetic ears to listen to my whines, which I do strive not to broadcast publicly (and I'm delighted, absolutely delighted if you question the veracity of my claims to whininess!). So, after all, I am writing to remind myself to stop the perpetual whining to them, as everyone has their limits, and, also, to say THANK YOU to my wonderful, lovely, caring friends and family. I love you all immensely and feel extremely thankful for your support—a support that is ever perfectly, humanly imperfect.

Spelling Bee

Alex placed third in the school spelling bee yesterday, after two kids in higher grades!  He won't go on to city unless one of them can't make it, but that's alright.  He has enough on his plate!  Unfortunately, he missed his last word because he had to pee.  Yep, that's what he said!  Too distracted to focus!

Actually, he caught his mistake.  The word wasn't that hard--it was 'enzyme'.  He started 'I-N-oops' and asked if he could restart, but the hard-noses refused!  I actually don't know if that's standard or not, but, apparently, it is for them.  In fact, one of his fellow class spellers placed 8th with the same issue (wanting to correct, but not being allowed to...), so Alex wouldn't necessarily have won if they'd allowed the correction, since others would also have done better.  He did say that the 7th and 8th graders both missed their next word, though, so he'd have been up there, probably!

His induction ceremony for Beta club is next week, and he may go plant some trees this weekend for his service hours for beta club.  Nice!  I don't recall performing service hours for Beta Club (though that's not to say they weren't required!).

Editing the Edits Endlessly

Not sure I'll ever be finished with my books!  I'm finding, with book #2, that much of the dialogue is written almost like screenplay and I have to add all the commentary, which makes it not even an edit, but more like a first draft from an outline!  Oh well...I believe it was Fitzgerald (a '20's author) who was said to rewrite everything at least seven times, although folks thought it was just effortless flow.

Again, though, editing does not have the rewards of writing.  All day today for three measly chapters of editing?  Geesh!  Oh, and here you are so proud of your writing, and you go back and realize that half of what you'd imagined isn't recorded at all (outline, again!).  So, it's kinda like I'm just fixing what I didn't know was broken!  And my chapters are short!

Thanks for listening to my editing rant!  Still fun work :). 

Another Great SAA Show

We went to the Savannah Arts Academy's winter dance show last night, and I was again impressed. It's a variety of individual dances, ranging from ballet to modern dance--most group, a couple of duets, and a few solos. Of course, given that it's high school, a few of the numbers are not absolutely fantastic, but at least half are fascinating. I was absorbed just about the whole time, which is more than I can say for most shows I see!

I'd been very sad last year to see my two favorite female dancers graduate, absolutely convinced that no upcoming students were as good. True enough, I am not infatuated with any of the female dancers at the moment, but there were several last night that are actually very, very good, and I will admit that I am now almost convinced that I will be quite happy with most future performances as well.

My current big concern is that the two primary male dancers are now seniors. They have been central to every show that I've seen at SAA, and, again, I'm quite concerned that they will be graduating. Of course there are other male dancers, but these guys are spectacular. However, I'm sure they will manage to pull it off somehow! Maybe...(fret, fret...) Anyhow, we still have the rest of this school year, and I plan to catch the remainder of their shows!

Fierce, Wild Rabbits!

I had no idea that rabbits were really so violent. We introduced Beebop a few months ago to our two other rabbits. There was some fighting, and we segregated Beebop for a while, but we gradually allowed her to remain out with the other rabbits, feeling relieved when we saw that she was gaining agility and could give as good as she got. She's the smallest of the three and also the cuddliest.

The rabbit that we've had for the longest time is Lorelai, a large white albino rabbit. I've had a few qualms about her dealing with the weather outside. In the summer, I worry that her thick fur and lack of eye pigmentation will cause stroke or blindness. In the winter, she's been the one who seemed most grateful to come and just sit by the fire.

Lorelai is large and slow, but she's also the most aggressive, generally. We've all been concerned for sweet little fuzzy gray Beebop, but Fiona spied Lorelai completely bloody and torn up this morning. We believe it was Beebop--as the two have been fighting like wildcats for the past couple of days. Beebop has had more than her share of scabs, too, but nothing like this. I can't believe it's come to this, but I think that Lorelai has seen the end of her outdoor life. It'll be mostly cage time from now on, I suppose. When we first got Lorelai, she and Lizzie were caged rabbits and seemed rather stupid to me, but after they'd been outdoor rabbits for a short time, the glazed look left their eyes and they seemed animated and aware and properly reactive. I'm sorry that Lorelai is having to go back to the caged life, but there seems little else to do. Prison it is.

Lorelai is not unique in her aggression, as Zoe is also an aggressive rabbit, and I am not completely sure that Beebop's vengeance is entirely in self-defense. I am reminded of the Monty Python violent rabbit. It seemed so very wrong then, but now I am understanding what may have inspired it. I hope that caging Lorelai allows the other two to settle down...

Oh, and to top it all off, Rachel the Chicken is molting right now, so she looks rough, too. I had been relating the rabbits to the chickens...I had thought that the fighting amongst the rabbits would settle down as they got used to one another, like chickens with their 'pecking order', but apparently not. The chickens seem so nice and orderly in comparison...going to bed regularly and rising with the sun and generally getting along...and they give us eggs (except, actually, the days are too short right now!)...