My Christmastime Foot-in-Mouth Disease

Hi there!  Just wanted to say Merry Christmas! 

Finally spent two days on the chaos of downstairs, and it's in a good state for Christmas morning.  So happy about that.  Could NOT see enjoying Christmas morning without doing that.  What a relief!  Not perfect, but nice enough :).

I think I'll take some ginger this morning, as I could barely sleep.  Christmas is always a highly stressful time for me...I SO want everything to be perfect.  I sit around with bated breath as things go well, and when they don't for just a few moments, there's this massive swelling of upset!  Been through it too many times...

Anyhow, we opened one gift (our tradition) last night.  I got a mermaid painting from Fiona.  I LOVED it in progress, but the final product isn't quite as nice--because she finished the mermaid, who's only in about a tenth of the canvas, and then threw on a bunch of blue paint for the sea--without anything else in the water.  She was rushing to finish, but the blue also mixes with the mermaid's blue hair, which detracts a bit, too.  Sigh...  Anyhow, thinking of adding some material or something to the sides of the canvas, so the mermaid is silhouetted a bit more.  Maybe I'll outline her in something, too, to differentiate her from the water... 

Not to sound ungrateful!  I am totally blown away by Fiona's art these days, and I think I have very entrenched editorial tendencies!  Totally worth it.  I actually 'saved' an art piece, as I see it, that she did at camp a couple of years ago.  Same issue, sort of...  I added a coating of metallic glitter to the sort of pale, nondescript figure, some golden paint on the empty eyes, and 'presto', it's one of my favorite pieces!  I know that sounds like I just 'blinged' it up, which is sorta true, but it was just faded and hard to see before--not remarkable--almost like a pencil drawing with watercolor background right through it (sorta ghostly thing).  Now it looks mystical :).  So yep, thinking I will touch up my mermaid pic so I love it, too!

Oh, an example of my stressing out for Christmas...I gave Fiona a set of books.  She was thrilled, very happy!  They were old boxed sets of #1-#12 of The Babysitter's Club books.  Okay, so I've never even read them, but they suddenly looked perfect after seeing that her friends were reading The Hunger Games and such.  She's only 11, for goodness' sakes!  So, she's quite happily glowing over them, and I add, "I picked those up at the library sale!  So no new trees were used or anything."  My point?  Promoting ethical purchases, making HER feel good about the sourcing of her present.  She didn't seem too impressed with my remark, though she didn't make a face or anything.  So... my result?  I felt a bit like I'd announced, "Oh, I got you USED books because they were cheap and convenient.  They were someone's discards.  Merry Christmas."  Then, armed with that nervousness, I tried to brag on the boxes they come in, because in working on my own library, I finally learned that the boxes ARE extremely nice.  So I tried to explain, "And these books are in really great condition, because they've been kept in these boxes..."  so far, so good.  Then, I continue, "See the tops of the books?  They're really nice and clean.  The boxes keep the dust and roach droppings off of them."  Oh, Lord.  I have Foot-in-Mouth Disease. 

So there we go.  The girl was already happy.  What did I go and say all that for???  Sigh.  Anyhow, it's fine.  She ended up reading half of the first one last night.  I do hope they're good books.  I always sort of wanted to read them.  Don't know why I didn't.  Anyhow, some of my hope is that they promote truly good values.  Seems to me that all our stuff did that, whereas much of today's media seems to just be a lot of silly nonsense.  I sound old, don't I?  ;)

Okay, it's nice to chat, but it's now 6:30 and the kids will be up soon.  Merry Christmas!  I hope that you enjoy the holidays!

Kitchen re-do

So much for any author work for the rest of this year!  Looks like our house is scheduled for some immediate maintenance.  You know how it all snowballs, right?
Well, big dishwasher issues lead to ordering a new one.  In turn, that leads to, "Geesh, I suppose we should redo the tile first.  Don't want to have to pull it again to put in the flooring."  Which then prompts, "Oh goodness, better paint the walls before we put in the new flooring."
Yep, snowball effect.  And I've now ordered the new dishwasher, so we've gotta jump into action.

I suppose I wanted to say, "I know it's been a while, but looks like it'll be a while more before I get back to posting much."  However, knowing me, I generally have that posting urge when I'm super-busy at least as much as when nothing's going on.  I suppose it has to do with processing everything.

Gonna go get busy now. :)

Oh, to be Elitist like my Extremely Poor Grandmama...

Today, I went into the side yard and harvested 3 little sweet potatoes.  I sauteed them in a olive oil with some garlic, and they were delicious.  Absolutely fantastic.  I was really surprised.  I generally buy them at the Farmer's Market, considering them as fresh as can be, but if you think about it, those have likely been picked for at least a week by the time I cook them.  These, in contrast, were picked less than 15 minutes before they were in the pan.

15 minutes vs a week IS a big difference, though I think we're disposed to think of a week as pretty durn fresh.  Now, to continue the contrast...I bought a cucumber the other day from the regular grocery store.  No idea where it was grown (though I looked for the missing info in the store) or when it was picked, but I simply had a hankering for cucumber.  Now, when I peeled it and bit into it, although nothing was technically wrong with it--perfect size, not bitter, etc--I nearly threw it in the compost bin without eating it.  The flavor was so lame and lacking.  I'm so 'spoiled' these days with the farmer's market veggies.

Today, when I emptied Fiona's lunchbox, I nibbled a little on the apple core (I've been extracting seeds, too) and nearly spit it out.  It was awful!  Mushy blech.  Fiona saw me dealing with her lunchbox and said, "Oh, Mom, I bought home Naia's apple core."  Nice, hmm?

She's totally into the seed saving/growing thing, too.  At this rate, we're going to have an orchard!  I've already given my folks the first dozen apple tree seedlings :), and we've ten more in our windowsill plus I-don't-know-how-many waiting to sprout in the fridge.  Okay, so the apples I'm using aren't local (as I just indicated, I hope to rectify that within a few years), but they are organic.  I can't say Naia's wasn't, only that it was a dramatic contrast for some reason.  And I composted the seeds, because I didn't want to waste my time on possibly irradiated seeds or not-so-good apples.  And I have no idea about genetic engineering in apples--if that's even going on!  Oh, certified organic produce by definition is not genetically engineered, either, though there can be drift... 

Now, what's that say about the state of our society when we consider home-grown or local produce to be for the rich 'spoiled' folk?  Really sad.  Are we Americans THAT destitute that we don't expect quality produce?  Our society embraces poisoned, mutated goods as necessary?  Sheesh, even my poor, poor maternal grandmother ate very fresh foods year round.  She repurposed everything, she rarely bought anything new, and she always had seedlings sprouting in her house :).  In fact, she didn't even drive a car and lived out in the country!!!  I know she carried a few grocery staples in her cupboards, but she kept a huge garden and chickens.  She canned.  She had a huge, prolific pear tree.  Her husband, who died before I was born, had been a fisherman, but she mostly ate chicken as her meat source when I knew her.  Anyhow, my point is (although I'll admit I'm getting carried away with nostalgia) that this was an extremely POOR woman, yet she had extremely fresh, nonpoisoned, nonmutated food--and lived to the ripe old age of 97.  If she can have it, then why does our society consider it 'elitist' to expect or want it as well?  Her animals, and my paternal grandfather's farm animals as well, weren't kept in awful factory farm conditions.  Again, very poor people, but now considered 'elitist'.  Who put that spin on what is ordinary and natural?  A corporate spin, hmm?

I think it's quite ironic how folks tend to consider our modern, harried lives as so decadent and indulgent.  Our ancestors didn't necessarily have the chocolate, the packaged treats, the instant food...but what most people don't realize is how much BETTER their fresh food tasted.  Perhaps if we all had the freshest produce, the very best quality seasonal foods, we'd realize that THEY had the upper hand.  THEY had the truly delicious meals--and, yeah, they took it for granted, as we ought to be able to do.  That is, it was simply 'food' to them--they worked hard for it and expected exactly what they got.

And the truth of the matter is that it is CHEAP and not so very difficult to garden a bit ourselves.  We don't have to grow everything.  We can just start with a few items.  It's amazing the constant usage I get out of the little bit that we have.  Of course I want to really develop a garden, but I am thrilled with the constant supplementation of our meals with our own homegrown foods.  Tip:  Basil and mint are super-easy here in the Southeast.  I use both more than I ever would have believed! 

The easiest way to get started, if you have the access to one, is simply by frequenting your local farmer's market.  I suspect it'll instantly improve the taste of your meals and perhaps inspire you to do more.  Maybe one day your life will be as 'elitist' as my extremely poor grandmother's was. 

Johnny Appleseed and more

Yep, just call me Jonnie!  I'm so psyched :).  Many weeks ago, I had the concept to try to grow fruit trees from the organic seeds of the fruits we buy.  Part of my dilemma was that the fruit can be older and not as tasty as local, nonorganic choices, but, in my spoiled manner, I want BOTH!  How spoiled can one be, hmm, to want her tasty food not poisoned? 
Of course, some folks just order starts and that sort of thing, and I'd been thinking about trying to venture down that path, but when I have seeds RIGHT HERE that I've already paid for, and I clearly haven't found the energy or funds to order the trees, what can it hurt?
So, I looked up how to sprout apple seeds online a few weeks ago, and I found last night that AT LAST I had a dozen little, sprouting seeds!  And don't you know that I now have plans for distributing all sorts of little trees to family and friends!  Then they, who don't necessarily ever buy organically, can have organic and local and FREE fruits! 
Oh the excitement!  Have you ever watched your seeds sprout like that?  And to see ALL 12 of those seeds sprouted, after many weeks, is amazingly gratifying.  I really was afraid they weren't going to.  (Basically, keep them moist in a paper towel in the fridge--but I'd try for organic and local if possible, as if they've been irradiated, the seeds might be ruined.)
Anyhow, the time is NOW, people!  :)  So many of us, at my age, kick ourselves for not taking the initiative a few years ago, when it sounded like too far away to bother with it.  At my age, it's like, "If we'd planted some fruit trees the first year we lived here, we'd have all kinds of fruit by now."  Sigh.  The best time was 'yesterday', but the next best time is now! 

Let's see, about 'yesterday'...we have some beautiful pullets out here.  They're just a few months old, and we only have two mature egg-layers left, but I hope we've learned from our mistakes.  Basically, lock your girls up tight at night, have a good fence, clip those wings (just feathers, like toenails), and reinforce that coop.  Hopefully we'll be reaping some dividends in a couple more months.  As in egg dividends.
I have other, slighter dividends in, um, fertilizer :).  I am personally amazed at how excited I can get over chicken poop.  I collect it to add to the compost bins, which, over time are seeing less and less added to them.  For one thing, the chickens eat most of the scraps and peels that we have.  So, they're kind of like little composting machines :).

One small, easy thing you can do, that's instantaneously fun (well, instantaneous for a gardener!):  When you get green onions, save the root portion, maybe 3 inches, and stick that part in water for a couple of days.  By day 2, you'll see new growth sprouting upwards!  When I buy green onions, I've begun doing this and then, in a couple of days, I plant the bottoms out front.  I found that I just go out and clip the green portions, much like herbs, and leave the root in the ground.  Nothing is better than super-fresh...  Even my veggie-eschewing children were raving about the green onions on the baked potatoes last week!  I picked them virtually seconds before we ate them--as in, we were at the dinner table for Fiona's cooking night, and it struck me that the green onions would be a nice addition to the baked potatoes, so I got up and fetched them!

Oh, I'm not a gardener yet.  Just a wanna-be, I suppose.  But, you know, I tend to get so crazy-ambitious with my thoughts that it's overwhelming (the perfectionists' curse).  Really, though, everyone should be at least a little bit gardener, I think, if they have any sort of stable home life.  It's fun.  It's tasty.  It's easy to get started :). 

Family Meals Working Out

Oh-ho!  I feel better already.  I was thinking, it's time for me to post something, but I haven't completed anything, the house is a mess, there's nothing particularly new to say...but when I clicked onto my blog, I saw the family meal post. 
So, to continue...
That worked out really well.  In fact, I was so enthused that we're doing it regularly.  We each are assigned one night a week to cook--a suggestion made by Fiona's friend's family.  Their daughters each cook one night per week. 
We still need to work out the kinks.  Alex apparently felt he met the veggie requirement by dicing a single little carrot into small pieces, for distribution amongst us all!  Okay, there were a handful of peas in the dish, too... 
Since then, we've been enjoying family dinners much more.  Unfortunately, there's some balancing I have to do.  Probably, we're overall having healthier meals, since a lot of what we did was a fend-for-yourself dinner and more frequent takeout.  However, the meals by the others are generally not quite as healthy as I'd prefer.  But THEY prefer them.
I made a Choroko sauce last night--a mung bean paste from Uganda.  I've never really like mung beans, but I was inspired to try them again since buying this very thin little book to introduce vegetarian cooking to children.  Just a few simple recipes--and I figured that perhaps they were good recipes, since they'd made it into the small cookbook. 
Oh my goodness, I couldn't stop eating it.  Totally amazing.  Even my family liked it fairly well, but none of them loved it quite as much as me.  I served the Choroko sauce with jasmine rice and steamed squash, which my family considerately left for me, since they know I like it so much :).

So, of course, their meals are generally more processed than this, but delicious, too.  Somehow, it makes a big difference to only have one set night to cook.  Of course, I'm cleaning after everyone and cooking some all week--making lunches and such.  But when you're only responsible for ONE night, it seems more worthwhile to dedicate time and energy to the meal--especially when you get to enjoy everyone else's efforts the rest of the week.
Tonight's my night, actually.  I just happened to make the Choroko sauce last night.  If you cook on another night, that's fine.  It's just that I'm responsible for tonight.  I have a huge amount of mung beans left over...suppose I should find another recipe.

Alrighty.  I have a ton to do today, and I think I'll be happier talking about a couple of other projects once I've completed them.  Hopefully SOON.  And to do that, I should get going! 

Family Meal

It's been a while since I managed a full, nice family meal--with place settings and all.  Anyhow, I was inspired yesterday by seeing that Michelle Obama was giving 'etiquette classes' at the white house, and I originally intended to focus more on etiquette, but it was just SO nice to have flowers on the table (small vase of pansies from out front), multiple small courses, a sit-down meal, placemats, starting our meal together, etc.  Actually, without ever bringing up the word 'etiquette', I feel like it was a lesson that way.  As I put my napkin in my lap, so did the Michael and the kids (we've been over it before).  We all waited to start eating together after our mini-grace (what we say?  Generally a simple, "For every cup and plateful let us be truly grateful.").
Anyhow, it was pretty lovely, and, at the same time, a way to consider what we're eating a little bit more.  The kids approved, and I hope to make these sit-down nice family meals more of a regular thing again. :)  I actually incorporated some left-overs into the meal--which was a nice way to use them up, since my crew will often ignore leftovers until they've gone bad.  So, we had leftover soup and bread for the first course, then leftover black-eye pea burgers (I make in batches and freeze) and a steamed veggie and our own non-dairy, non-gluten mac and cheese.  Scoops of watermelon in little bowls constituted dessert.  It was pretty simple and nice--and welcome to the kids after a long, hectic day, as it was on the table when they arrived home!

Rediscovering Homeopathy

As a naturopath, I was introduced to homeopathy as a system of medicine that is complete unto itself.  I approached it with skepticism, but over time became convinced at its efficacy.  There were entire medical schools devoted to homeopathy in the United States a century ago or so, and I've begun reading one book that consists of homeopathy lectures that are a century old.
Anyhow, as I've been putting together my library, one of the most fun sections for me has been my homeopathy bookshelves.  I actually built a new small shelf to perch on top of that particular bookcase, to help with lining up my remedies above the reference books.  I even used the circular saw :).
I've already dosed Michael, me, and Alex with remedies.  Well, Michael received true remedies for his kidney stone pain--we progressed from one remedy to another, and they're working!!!  Alex and I have begun cell salts, and Michael has ordered a particular, rather uncommon remedy for me.
My cell salt of interest is Kali phos--indicated in all sorts of nerve conditions.  I want to buy the regular 6X cell salt for maintenance usage, but I took a higher potency after reading about how the remedy is specific for folks with nervous breakdowns, degenerative diseases (such as dementia), etc.
The remedy I've ordered is Kali bromata (related, I suppose).  It includes a whole lot of symptoms that match what I went through.  Not a perfect match, necessarily, but I'm hoping it will help.

Sorry I'm not writing this quite up to the level of fascinating narration it deserves.  Homeopathy is an incredible system of medicine that has been virtually lost due to the takeover of pharmaceutical companies, I'm assuming.  And the prescribing complexities and hit-or-miss results, I suppose...but I've seen so many amazing results that I'm pretty sold on it.  And I'm excited at the amazing reference books I have.  What phenomenal resources at my fingertips!
If you're interested at all, I'd encourage you to start with one of the family homeopathy kits or perhaps researching the 6X cell salts.  There are only 12 of them and might be a nice way to introduce them to your family.  I have an amazing handout that I'd saved and now have (whew!) placed on my bookshelf so's I can find it!  There might be good online recommendations.  Schuessler's cell salts is what they're called.
We have family kits of 30-ish 6X remedies from Standard Homeopathic.  Arnica for injury, Hypericum more specifically for smashed fingers and toes, etc.  Nice to have around.  :)  6X is still a nice dose for this kind of basic prescribing.  The higher doses are for more constitutional remedies.

Last post re: style, mamas setting example continued...

After yesterday's post about Fiona's healthy, savvy style, I have to relate today's outfit.  Flashback to the '80's!  Oh my goodness...I came to pick her up from school and found that she had the big earrings, the neon and mesh top layered over her t-shirt, and her hair in a clip not too far removed from a banana clip!  So funny...  I'm sheepishly on here because I felt like I might have left you with the impression that she's got sophisticated style!  I think she does, when she lets me dress her!  But see what happens when she's given free rein?  Hah.  But I think her friends liked it more than I did :).
Just wanted to share.  Too bad our kids don't completely share our tastes, right?  But there was nothing wrong with it, just, well, you know...

Oh, and I just wanted to re-emphasize that I'm guilty of virtually all the 'crimes' I related in the last post.  I do wear makeup fairly often--a little--and I probably have worn high heels a couple times in the past year and have some heel on many pairs of shoes that I wear maybe weekly or so.  And I don't even feel strongly enough about it to feel apologetic about it--I only wanted to clarify that I not only relate, but I do the exact things I critiqued.  I even have underwire in my drawer...though that's been IN the drawer for ages.  Sigh...just comin' clean, I s'pose.  Hmm...I guess it's just that I like girly stuff, and I'm not of the extreme, um, gosh--what's the term?  The awful 'feminist-Nazi' term comes to mind, but I HATE that term, because I'm pretty darn feminist in theory, at least.
Anyhow, I think what I'm trying to say is that those militant mamas don't really need to think about this stuff quite as much, because they're not going to slip into high heels and makeup and all that jazz.  It's the regular moms like me who really need to think about what we're doing, before we unwittingly 'sell' this idea of femininity to our daughters, too.  Hmm, maybe it's like Halloween, y'know?  We can dress up--heels, makeup, underwire, whatever--for a big event.  Kind of like I'll put makeup on Fiona for a show...  But on a daily basis it's more than just kinda silly--it's a bad example.  We should treat ourselves the way we want our children to treat themselves.  We just need to be a little bit careful with that sort of thing.  That's all.

Let's Use our Hearts AND our Brains

Hi!  I'm back for a grumpy little post today.  I read a blog yesterday that sorta got on my nerves--and I feel like a jerk for that, a bit.  So I'm here to sort it all out.

First, let's review the blog.  It was a cute sort of reminder to be accepting and nonjudgmental.  I'm game for that, I think, so that shouldn't really bother me, right?  I think judgment is actually a lot of the problem in today's world--especially when it's judgment over things that don't matter.  And there is the crux of my irritability.

Problem is, who's to say what matters?  Apparently we all think that the things we're judgmental about are what matter.  So, where's the standard? 

I suppose it comes down to the, "Does it hurt anyone?" bit.  That can be a challenge, even, to figure out, because some things hurt others when it doesn't SEEM to matter.  Maybe your father is hurt if you wear slacks to church--he thinks it's inappropriate (and generally doesn't think further than that...).  Easy to chalk it up to 'his problem', but really--if you know it bothers him, even if he's 'wrong', then why not just TRY to get along?  Obviously, if you feel strongly, then you wear the damn slacks.  But if it doesn't matter one way or another to you, then wear the skirt and don't upset poor Daddy.

What a funny example.  I couldn't think of one.  I think the reason that came to mind is that my father used to feel so strongly about it all, yet last Sunday at his church, he wore JEANS--and gave the sermon!!!  I was shocked.  Not upset, and I certainly didn't say anything, but it blows my mind, when he used to be so militant and judgmental about it all.  WHO has taken over my Dad's body?  Hmm?

Okay, backing up...  where were we?  Oh yes, the blog in question was happily approving of anything!  Whatever floats your boat--just do it!  I smile and feel sympathetic to that point of view a little bit, but there's a very duty-bound bit of me that says, "Wait a minute.  We are setting an example to our children.  We are teaching them what matters.  Some things DO matter.  And if we just thoughtlessly and selfishly live our lives, without consideration and effort to do what's right, then what are we modeling?  What are we teaching?"  One example that struck me was something along the lines of, 'if you want to wear full makeup and high heels to the apple orchard field trip, more power to you!'.  Of course, again, this doesn't fall into the 'high alert' category for me.  I'd probably smile and think the mom looked cute--but I wouldn't want my daughter to model the silly, even damaging, footwear.  

And this is something that does require some thought.  I saw a pair of shoes the other day, while I was shopping at Goodwill [I was!  And it was awesome. :)  Totally trying to get over my uppity-ness and support a very beneficial business, in so many ways], and they were so cute I pulled them on.  Totally ridiculous black heels, with thicker block heels and a secure strap around the ankle.  "I think I can handle these!" I thought happily, after admiring them on my feet.  

I showed Michael and he scowled, "That's a disaster waiting to happen.  Injuries--"

I showed them to Alex, and he looked very skeptical.  "I hate to say this, Mom, but those look like hooker's shoes."

My fellows aren't used to seeing me in those kinds of shoes, to say the least!

I put them back.  My thought?  The biggest one?  I didn't want to set a bad example for Fiona.  I don't want her tripping and walking in shoes that cripple more than help!!!  No matter how *awesome* they look!  

Still, I was tempted, and I totally understand the Mom that can't help herself and wears them--though I also wish she wouldn't--because the more awesome she looks in them, the worse the example she's setting for my daughter, too.  So I can't just smile blithely and think, "More power to you, sister!"  I do cringe a little.

But where it matters even more is the author's example of the mom who decides to get take-out every single night so she has more time on her hands.  Again, guilty as charged--to a degree.  I get take-out more often than I'd like, but most certainly NOT every day.  Why not?  Again, those pesky values.  Am I to wink at the mom feeding her kids GMO-laden, pesticide-heavy, factory-farm-raised foods?  Her 'free choice' impacts her kids' health, the treatment of the animals and animal products she is paying for, the planet's health, MY health?  Should I really 'wink' at that?  I mean, I'm all for being understanding of the hectic, unmanageable pace of life.  And I know sometimes a drive-thru meal is all we can manage.  And I certainly don't want someone glaring at me when I choose to do so.  At the same time, though, I can't in good consciousness think that is a 'valid' choice for a mom on a daily basis, unless she really is under a lot of duress.  Yes, I'm all for compassion--but compassion is not a conspiratorial wink, now, is it?  (Oh alright, maybe sometimes that's exactly what it is!)

You know, my kids put A LOT of thought into ethics and practicality now, and I'd like to think that's because we've modeled it for them.  Within a day or two of my putting back the oh-so-snazzy black pumps, my daughter made a comment about how important good shoes are to her feet.  See the relief I felt that I hadn't bought those shoes and gotten her excited about heels?  

Fiona went to school yesterday with a gorgeous French braid, a pair of little earrings, a snazzy scarf tied around her throat, a navy skort and sweater with little 'diamond' buttons, and some cute black tennis shoes and ankle socks.  Nothing to impair her health or function--no makeup (yet, though I'm sure that'll come), no constrictive clothing.  Even her bra isn't constricting.  Yes, for social reasons we're bending to that custom, though her 'need' for it is laughable at this point!  (And that is a whole 'nother long rant--have y'all SEEN the breast cancer rates?)  And my happy, healthy daughter is so beautiful that my breath catches and I can't stop admiring her.  Who the hell needs silly shoes and underwire and face paint?  Not that brilliant, radiant child!  Nor most of our gorgeous teens.

The Taoists know the wisdom of 'going with the flow', but I'd argue that being in the center of that stream is for one's own comfort.  And it is.  A wise woman learns to balance the flow--for your own happiness you don't want to take on every meaningful battle!  Or if you do, my humblest, "More power to you!", though I would urge you to consider the impact on your family, on your children, as you do so.  The most effective ethical folks are those who manage to make their lives enjoyable and practical and sustainable.

So, again, I have compassion and understanding for those who indulge in take-out and high heels and other such.  And I have compassion for myself, too.  Ideally, I would volunteer at school.  Ideally, I'd do a lot that I'm not up to doing.  Those are real restrictions that I have.  After a nervous breakdown and mental illness, I know that I simply can't be the 'perfect' mom that I would like to be.  We all have our limitations, and, even for the most incredibly energetic and thoughtful mom, it's impossible to be 'perfect'.  Our society simply isn't set up that way.  

So, let us be compassionate in judging others--as we don't know what they are dealing with--but let us do our best to be ethical in our choices and not unwittingly, thoughtlessly SUPPORT poor choices and bad examples to our children.  And to us.  Compassion and kindness always; unconditional approval--not so much.  Let's use both our hearts AND our brains, shall we?

Our Own Food Production

So, if I blog enough about it, do you think I'll do it?  You know, to a certain extent, I think 'yes', so here I go again...
I just listened to a rather stoned-sounding guy give a four-minute talk about why we should garden.  Actually, he referred to it as 'urban gardening'.  I suppose ours would actually be 'suburban gardening'--but close enough, right?
His points were the same ones I've made before, but it helps me to think about them a little more.
1.  Fresh tastes good.
2.  Not supporting and depending upon massive corporations.
3.  Doing something positive for the environment, eliminating plastics and fuel used for packaging and transport.
4.  Exercise for us.  A form of meditation, too, after our stressful days.
5.  Hmm...I'm forgetting what he said, but I'll put in economics here.

I've only done a little bit since my last post, but I enjoy our herbs out front pretty much daily.  Our fig trees in SC finally produced--I suppose since there has finally been decent rain.  I planted some mint up there.  I love it because it spreads all by itself--and I'm really acquiring a taste for it!  Love it in bean and quinoa salads in goodly amounts...and use it practically daily with regular black tea to make my own 'Moroccan Mint' tea.

Our chickens are SO pretty.  I really need to take some pics.  Hoping to let them out of the run starting next week, when they'll be two months old.  We've waited for their safety--it's hard to know where to draw that line, but I think they've been fairly happy in the spacious run.  We'll 'clip their wings' next week, which basically just involves trimming primary feathers on one side to put them a little off balance so they don't leave the backyard.  They won't be laying eggs for several more months, but they're getting to be nice-sized pullets now.

I just saw someone talking about how she likes to plant comfrey.  That's one of those herbs that my grandmama's family grew--it's good for injuries and such.  I think that'd be another nice herb to add.

Beehives are also of interest.  Alex and I consume more honey than many a small country, I think...  But we do buy locally, so that would primarily be of economic interest!

Time Management for Gardening

You know those annoying people who assume that rules and general recommendations don't apply to themselves?  Well, I'm one of them.  You'd be surprised how often I've been amazed at how well a suggestion worked, though I'd seen it many times and had ignored it--thinking, for some reason, I suppose, that if it really worked that well that it would be MORE obvious or already done or some such.

Anyhow, I've heard the recommendation time and again to 'budget my time', of course, by having set times for writing, sleeping, etc.  Gracious, that sounds stressful...

Another recommendation is to choose a day or certain hours to be off of the computer.  As a writer, I want to make exceptions for myself, but this is akin to the whole 'I'm too busy to work out' excuse.  I can and should spend time away from the computer.  What prompted this thought is my ongoing frustration with how little time I end up spending on gardening and such.  I mean to do more, but I rarely make it.  The fact is, I generally prioritize everything else.

I'm not going to implement this for a couple of weeks, at least, as we have a busy rest-of-summer planned, but I'm going to give it some more thought.  I'd like to get in the swing of exercising and gardening regularly.  The exercise happens fairly well, but the gardening doesn't.  Eventually, I'm kind of hoping to start up a greenhouse, but first-off, I need to commit myself to getting out there more!

I'm inspired by the memories of little old German ladies out in their front-yard gardens.  They didn't even have front yards at all--it was a cozy little garden in front of their town homes.  Even for such small gardens, which were generally very neat and well-maintained, those women had to get out there and do some work--enough for me to witness them out there.

In Moscow, folks produce about 50% of their own produce within the city limits!  Backyard greenhouses abound there.  Anyhow, just ruminating on this and thinking about how I'd like to be a little more self-sufficient that way.  Talk about FRESH--which gives us more vitamins and minerals and taste!  Also, phenomenally less resources used in the production--once we get established, anyhow.

I'm really thinking about this.  We've got our little hen flock, pecan tree, and old pear tree contributing to our healthy food consumption now, and with further thought we'll hopefully continue to utilize and expand such as these.

An Author Blog

Thought I'd take a moment to mention that I've started up an author blog.  Some smart folks have a variety of blogs for different topics--how organized!  But it finally, finally dawned on me that I could easily do so for my writing blogs.  I'll keep this one up, too, though, and I'll even talk a little about my authoring--as in, "This book sucks so far!"  :) and other things that I probably shouldn't say on my official author blog...
That said, I wanted to share my new blog address with you--it's authorsophiaalexander.blogspot.com.

Farewell to my Fat Aunt

That's horrible, isn't it?  But it's the truth of how my mind is processing her death.
As children, my siblings and I whispered between one another that my aunt was the 'fattest person on earth'.  Of course, I logically realize this was far from the truth, but, from our limited perspective, it was true.  We would watch with abject horror for her stomach to slip into visibility from underneath the bottom of her skirt.  As a teenager, I remember sitting with her as she opened one of the BIG bags of chips and ate the whole thing without stopping.  She saw my eyes upon her, no doubt, viewing her progress with increasing dismay, but she had some internal craving that was far stronger than any vestiges of shame that might have remained at that point.
In all honesty, those are the strongest memories of her that I have.  I stayed with her children a few times before I became a teenager, and I can relate other things, of course.
The good?  Yes, there's that.  I was tickled to pieces at going to the grocery store with my aunt's family.  They bought ice cream AND cones--we went home and ate ice cream cones, which I NEVER did with my own family.  That was a rare and fantastic treat for me!
What else?  The books!  My aunt liked to read, and, when I was 12 years old, she gave me two FULL paper bags of Harlequin romances.  I spent the whole summer reading them.  I reveled in these light romances--until I became bored of their redundancy.  Honestly, they were quite formulaic after a while.  There was the rare one with a different twist--the beach girl in love with the sun-kissed, light-hearted fellow.  That was refreshing after all those governesses in love with the brooding, tall dark and handsome types, you know.   All that said, though--at the time, I did appreciate the books very much.
As for personality, my aunt was about as different from my mother as could be.  Even in looks, actually.  My mother was taller, blonde and thin--healthy and very serious.  Aunt Dolly was brunette, plump, loud, playful, and prone to stretch the truth.  She always had a ton of animals in her home, but she didn't clean very much, so they made it quite unpleasant.  You can see from the food and romance books that she had a penchant for indulging in pleasure--and, again, that reminds us that pleasure is something to mete out carefully.
I once saw a picture of my aunt as a girl, and I thought she was quite pretty.  It's a shame what we can do to ourselves, and thinking of her reminds me of the need to get a grip on my weight while it's still possible.  I really do believe that she was seized with a forceful, compelling urge to eat--how else could you continue downing all those chips as a teenager stares at you?  I think her urge was probably as intense as any drug addict's urge.  Sure, an addict might feel an element of shame at shooting up in front of people, but many would go ahead and do so anyhow.  That's what she did.
I recall a time several years ago when, at my heaviest weight, I often felt 'off'.  I began to have intense food cravings at moments--so much so that I felt almost nauseated oftentimes just before realizing that I was hungry.  It was intense, and I suspected blood sugar dysregulation.  That prompted me to lose quite a bit of weight, but it was very difficult at first.  And I was NEVER nearly as out of control as my aunt was.  I have sympathy for her, because I doubt that, at a point like she was at, that I could have done much differently from her.
I suppose I do brood about my weight quite a bit, but it seemed rather poignant that I've just been considering it more seriously again when my 'fat aunt' passed.  She lived so much longer than I'd expected her to, but that was in part due to modern medicine.  She had her first heart attack many years ago.  She's younger than my mother, but I'm still impressed that she made it into her mid 60's.
I don't mean to be disrespectful here.  I am grateful to my aunt for sort of indulging me, too.  She treated others as she wanted to be treated, I suppose--when she was feeling well.  She had a mean streak that I believe was probably prompted by a bit of jealousy--or shame that she didn't pull herself together more and that we obviously noticed it.
Okay, so this is a lesson to me.  I, too, enjoy reading.  I, too, LOVE my animals.  I, too, am prone to be lazy and not clean the house.  I, too, LOVE good food.  My mother doesn't read much, she cleans diligently, she watched her weight very well until menopause, and she doesn't welcome messy creatures at all.  I was reared by my mom, but I'm still prone to all those indulgences that my aunt seemed addicted to.  Luckily, I am in a position that I'm still able to exert some self-control and keep from falling into my aunt's situation.  It merely requires some WILLPOWER and action.  As in, don't just think but DO!
Yep, my house is particularly messy right now and I've been packing back on the pounds since recovering from the depths of illness.  Time to get a grip!  Okay, I'll get off of here in a few minutes and start cleaning--I'd like to get the downstairs straightened up a bit before heading to her viewing tomorrow.  Compassion for others leads to greater understanding of ourselves, don't you think?  I have much compassion for my aunt's situation--in the course of which I understand my own tendencies better.  I don't think it's heartless of me to try to NOT be like her.  In a way, it's honoring her--much as it would be honoring an alcoholic relative to cease drinking alcohol upon his death, you know?  I'm sure my aunt wasn't proud of her indulgences, though she was largely in denial about them.
Moderation is such a challenge for me, but that's the best way, generally (not always).  Life isn't about avoiding challenges, though.  In fact, we only have a finite amount of 'sway' we're allowed before things become irrevocably damaged.  We need to be careful and keep that in mind.  Yes, it can be redundant, but hospital visits aren't exactly a joy, either.

Cultivating Mint and the love of it

A few years ago I brought home a small pot of mint.  I'd read that it spreads easily, and I hoped it would as I planted it in our flower-bed out front.  Little did I know!  It has reproduced and spread to cover at least a quarter of the bed by now.
After three years or so of not using nearly as much as I'd like to, I've finally tried to figure out how to use some of it, and I'm pleased to say that I've had a couple of successes this week.
I've already known that I liked mint in my water for quite a long time.  I simply stick a few stems of mint in the pitcher, fill it with water, and place it in the fridge.  I'll refill that pitcher three times or so before throwing the leaves out.
Today, I plucked a stem of mint and plucked the leaves off, setting them in my big coffeemaker, which I use for regular tea.  I placed a family-size teabag on top and allowed it to percolate.  After chilling in the fridge, it is an excellent beverage--I'm tickled as can be about it.  Stash makes a 'Moroccan Mint' tea that involves green tea, maybe, and mint.  Anyhow, this reminds me of that.  Delicious!
My big success this week, however, was in making quinoa salad with mint instead of cilantro.  I'd been thinking about tabouleh, which I believe is made with mint, but, since I'm gluten-free, that's not an option.  In thinking of variations, simply subsituting that herb came to mind.  It's fantastic!  I ate the quinoa salad the past two days, and I used quite a bit of mint in the process--straight from my garden!
This is exciting for me because I consider myself to have a brown thumb.  I have no skill at growing anything.  With this mint, though, I must have stumbled upon just the right combination of soil conditions and all, because my mint is thriving!  I love the idea of consuming our own plants--absolutely fresh with 100% of their nutrients, just moments after picking.  Generally, I've failed dismally with growing successful garden plants, but I've decided to learn to love my mint, and it's working!

My writing chops don't feel up-to-snuff just now, for some reason, but I thought I'd throw in a blog anyhow.  

What's new with us?

Well, we got those chickies.  Surprisingly, we haven't named them yet.  Not really.  I sort of want to wait for a while, but I think I'm also holding back from getting too attached.  I hate to be callous, but I think I am, a little.  So cute, anyhow, though...

Michael ran an ultra-marathon.  Crazy, crazy man.  That's 50K, or 32 miles.  Relieved he didn't get injured, and rather hoping he's 'been there, done that', you know?  That's just too far!

The kids are in sailing camp this week, which makes me pretty darn happy--because it's just one of those things like horseback riding lessons, you know?  I'm happy to give them new experiences, especially fun, affordable ones.  Things that will make them confident in the future, under a variety of potential conditions.

Well, I suppose I shouldn't say I stick with 'fun' stuff there, because I'm also requiring Alex to do his medical terminology workbook again this summer.  It's a later edition of the one I used for medical school, so it's definitely challenging.  It was one of the best uses of time I ever had in medical school, though.  I learned SO much in a short amount of time, basically.  Alex is learning all these Latin roots and now has the ability, really, to understand most legible medical charts, for the most part.  Not sure if he's gotten to the abbreviations yet, though, but I really believe that, whatever medical condition arises, he's going to feel more comfortable with reading up on his condition than he would have before completing the workbook.  I'll probably start Fiona on it next summer.  She's completing a music theory drill book and is learning the flute this summer.

What about me?  Well, I suppose I'm just trying to navigate socially--visiting SC and trying to straighten up there, dealing with kids and such, etc.  I feel a little lame at not having more to say about me.  I'm not writing right now, I am dealing with a few symptoms and side effects, and much of that feels like I'm spinning in circles.  Parenting can be a little like that, though, and I focus on the kids especially in the summer.  Fiona and I are enjoying Once Upon a Time together, and next week I hope that we resume our summer 'routine' (that isn't a 'routine' yet):  First, I'll elliptical for a half-hour and then stretch while we watch our show.  Fiona will bounce on a ball for 'exercise' meanwhile.  Next, we'll change into swimsuits and then ride our bikes down to the pool, where we'll swim and splash for a while (under an hour).  Believe it or not, this thoroughly exhausts me, is good bonding time with my girl, and so is a very productive use of time, as I see it.  

My counselor tells me not to feel guilty about spending more time with Fiona than with Alex.  He says that it's totally normal for a 14-yo boy to not spend a lot of time chatting with his mom.  Obvious, I know, but still a comfort to hear.

That's about all I have to chat about right now.  Hopefully the summer continues smoothly...the kids have one more camp--Peace Camp at the UU church.  Fiona's finished an oil painting class, and that's it!  I'll have my hands full...

Chickens and More Environmentalist Chat

Once again, we've decided to go for the home-grown egg thing.  I'd gotten down about the demise of so many of our pets, but things have been stable for a little while and I'm willing to risk it again.  I just love chickens and gathering our own eggs.  I really think our chicken pets are fairly happy.  They're so busy out there, scratching around and all, so we are going to give it another whirl--this time with Wellsummers (trying once again--they're SO pretty!), Speckled Sussex, and Golden Campines.  I'm sure I'll let you know how that goes.  I love the idea of producing some of our food right here, and, while we get a few eggs from our two hens, it's not enough to supply our egg demand.  Our egg demand, as well, is far lower than our potential consumption, as we adore boiled eggs and egg salad and deviled eggs and all such.  Michael makes a damn fine jelly roll, too, which takes several eggs a pop.  Frittatas, latkes, muffins, the list goes on...  And baby chicks are SO adorable.  

The drawback?  The noise.  Hope there's no problem with that.  Also, again, their sad, really devastating demises.  I've made Michael and Fiona promise to try not to involve me when any more die (as in, elaborate funeral services and all).  It makes me want never to get anymore :(.  So, if I ignore it as best I can, maybe I can muddle through where it's all worth it.

Michael's already got a name for a Golden Campine.  She'll be Ella.  As in Ella Campine.  As in elecampane, an herb!  So fun.  I've named a Speckled Sussex Suzy.  Suzy Sussex.  Cute, hmm?  And Suzy sounds quite British, like the Sussex chickens are!  

The Welsummers are of Dutch origin, and the Campines are Belgian, so we'll think about that in the naming process, too.

Anyhow, hopefully our coop is more secure now, and we'll enjoy our chickens longer this go-round.  Part of the draw, too, is that we do have this coop and already take care of our two hens.  It won't be that much more work for a few more.  Wish us luck!  

Oh, this whole Dutch thing is quite interesting to me here lately.  There's a Dutch art exhibit from The Hague coming to Atlanta, and I'm excited to see it.  In part, that's because of so many of my new series people having resided for prolonged periods in The Hague (and some of the art is from that era).  To be truthful, I'd never given the Dutch a second thought--they were hazily grouped with the Germans, in my mind--hence Deutchland, you know.  Anyhow, the Welsummers are from there, too, so all things Dutch are somewhat of interest to me right now, I suppose.

Okay, environmentalism...what else?  I was asking Michael today what minor, easy things we might tackle to improve our impact on the environment.  We installed a fan in our attic here last summer, and I think that helped, so we're thinking of doing likewise in my grandparents' old home in SC.  

Also, we fished around in drawers and the garage and came up with a bike lock and key--so that Fiona and I can bike to the pool this summer.  I've been enjoying short bike rides over to the grocery store already, and I've got a little alcove, as I think of it, in the back where I park my bike without locking it (not a problem so far), but I couldn't see biking to the pool and leaving it unattended there.  So, anyhow, I'm excited about that little thing.  We'll see how it goes.  It won't make that big of an impact, but I'll feel a little better about saving a tiny bit of gas.  Fiona and I both have lovely Trek bikes, with shocks and all :).  We bought her a grown-up sized bike for her 10th birthday last year.  It's adjustable, so hopefully it lasts her forever.

So funny--I'm hoping to take a trip to Atlanta and Washington, D.C., perhaps, and, of course, 3 hours away to our SC home many times... and I'm talking about saving gas for a trip less than one mile away.  Sigh.  Every little bit counts, though, I suppose.  And it's not like we'd NOT take those trips if I didn't save these small ones.    

So, more chickens and more bicycling in lieu of car trips.  I really do my best to minimize car trips, honestly.  But I suppose I don't always prioritize that.  We don't go to the closest church, we don't attend the closest schools...  Speaking of which, Alex 'graduates' from Ellis Montessori next week.  He's been there TEN whole years--longer than I attended any school, ever.  Pretty cool.  

Alex is looking for a summer job now, as he wants to buy a used car next year, perhaps.  Sigh.  Thing is that we don't get bussing to his high school, so it actually might be a good idea.  And it's impossible to walk there or bike there, really, given the traffic, so a car it is--or, at least, somebody's car (as in poor Michael's!).  

You know, I got on here today because I'd asked Michael that about how we could impact our environment a little more positively, and I was hoping more thoughts would come to me, but sometimes it's good just to confirm those steps we've taken--which I'm continually doing on here, aren't I?  I suppose it's also what prompted me to make the new chicken order today.  Michael came home with store-bought eggs, and the urge just took hold of me.  I hate to think of chickens in such cramped quarters (even cage-less chickens are usually in crowded conditions).  So, hopefully, hopefully, hopefully this works out with the new, very quiet chickens, right?  Hmm, do I associate humane treatment of animals with the environment?  Apparently so.  But also, most home-grown food has no fuel costs associated--or minimal.  Except that these chicks are being shipped Express!  I hope they make it and keep us in supply of eggs interminably!

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.  I love that little saying, even though it doesn't address fuel costs.  Maybe I should explore those topics a little more here.  

Reduce.  I could and should REDUCE my consumption of food!  Yep, that's an obvious one, I suppose.  I sometimes have thought that, when I've gotten used to eating a more modest portion size, about how outrageous the quantity is of folks eating around me.  Jane Goodall may take it to the extreme, but that's one of the main points that she makes in a book that she wrote a while back, Harvest for Hope.  Perhaps being in Africa, where many people are starving, has made her more aware of this issue.  Just think, I'm sure I could probably survive on half of what I consume--meaning half the money for the goods, half the resources there.  And groceries ARE a lot of what we consume and buy regularly.  Besides, since I'm not so ill anymore, I've been putting back on a few pounds.  It would be good for my health, as well as the environment, if I were to REDUCE my consumption of food a bit more.  And that's something I can start right away, actually.  Hah.  Got one!  I don't usually think of calorie restriction as environmentally-motivated, but Goodall does and I think she might be right, so long as she's consuming enough calories for good health (which I do wonder about, for her!).

I have an argument to make on the general REDUCE topic, though.  I've noticed that some people take it to the extreme in that they liberate themselves of many possessions.  And, in the articles, even when it's based on the environment, they point out that they just BUY whatever they need.  How wasteful, isn't it?  When if they held on to things a bit more, they wouldn't have to buy NEW things nearly so often, right?  I guess I'm just saying that if they hadn't reduced so much, they could have recycled a bit more--which is better than buying new.  Just sayin'.  I know it's modern and chic to be minimalist, but so often I'm grateful that we have so much.  Sometimes those decisions were unwise--as when I kept a lot of my school textbooks, which no longer have any value to anyone.  But some of those decisions have been very helpful.  I think it's better to be balanced with reduction, because oftentimes we can re-use things as opposed to buying them again and again.  I don't like our 'disposable society' mindset.

Re-use.  Okay, well I guess I already got into that topic.  How else might I re-use here?  The danger that I've seen here is that folks come up with pretty darn stupid ideas--and if the end product isn't something you wanted or needed, then I'd say the whole re-use idea just caused you to spin your wheels, honestly.  Art from trash?  Hmm...I rarely find it appealing.  And did I need that art?  No.  So, I guess I don't much like disposable things, but I'm not going to cripple myself with trying to re-use something that I don't need.  But I do hope to value and retain useful items that I can use again and again.  My car is a 1999 model, and I'm perfectly happy keeping it so long as it runs well.  (Thank goodness for a mechanically-minded hubby!)  So, perhaps REPAIR and Maintenance go in this area.  Hmm...somehow, I'm going to throw housekeeping in this section, because I think that cleaning and straightening go a long ways towards keeping us happy with what we have.  Also, it helps keep our things organized so that we're aware of what we have and can find things so that we don't buy them again!  Whew...that's a doozy for me there!  But I've started a new library audiobook that should help keep me company next week while I'm cleaning.  How does writing this help things?  Well, perhaps I'll work a little harder on the organization part, so that I can find things.  You know what's nice about the organization process?  So often you run across things that you haven't thought about for a while, and since we've chosen all our things, it's a little like shopping at a pretty awesome store!

Recycle.  What can I do more here?  We already pay to have our recycled goods picked up.  So that obvious one is taken care of.  Maybe this is part of the 'balance' equation.  I pointed out above how good it is to keep things, but it's also good to be able to organize by clearing out the old, you know?  Perhaps I should make a point of putting together a single box of clothes from my closet for goodwill.  Maybe someone else can get some use from them, you know?  That is so very hard for me, that 'getting rid of things'.  Hmm, and I wonder if some of my useless old outdated books can be recycled, as in the recycle bin?  Still confused after a web search... but I did find all sorts of ridiculous things to do with old books!  As I was saying...(about the trash art).

On the recycle topic, though, we can certainly buy recycled and keep making a point to do so, as often as possible.  We already do that, when practical, so I suspect that the main thing I need to remind myself of now is to REDUCE my consumption.  I suspect part of how I do that, though, is to buy recycled goods for fun (that keeps down the urges for buying NEW items).  I'm currently all ga-ga over my Ralph Lauren purse (for $16 at consignment!).  

Okay, like so many things, I'm repeating myself.  But most things ethical involve repeating yourself or putting a new 'spin' on it--hey, we're recycling ideas! :)

Vivian

My miniscule readership of Homespun thus far has already produced the suggestion of a follow-up book on 'Vivian's adventures', to quote.  I don't think she'd gotten to the epilogue yet.

Anyhow, I find that humorous because I once had a dream that Vivian's death was faked, and that instead she ran off on an adventure in which she jumped out of a plane near an island with indigenous peoples in South America, I believe...  I may have that mixed up now, but, anyhow, I found this crew of young filmmakers who were making a movie about her long, full life.  Oh, her name wasn't Vivian in my dream--it was the real name of my great-aunt, or possibly gg-aunt, as the case may be!  And that name was Geraldine, Gurleen for short.  I know virtually nothing about the woman, aside from a couple of dates and a few anecdotes.  She's almost completely fictional and very fun, isn't she? :)

The Silk Trilogy is COMPLETE!!! Contemplating three more books...and even others!

Homespun is officially available for your e-book reading enjoyment!  It's on Amazon and should be on Barnes & Noble's website this week.  To be honest, technical glitches and worries cloud my happiness here just a tad, but they're pretty small, so I'll try to let go and just celebrate here for a moment.  It's a big deal--what I had in mind from the beginning of Silk.  Years later, the trilogy is complete, and that's a BIG deal, no?  

Being human as I am, I have that propensity to jump ahead, look forward, plan, and forget to just bask in the moment at times.  I've begun three other books over the past two years, at least two of which I hope to get back to, even though I'm still near the beginning in all of them.  So, of course, now that I've uploaded my book--and, actually, Michael helped me send off some query letters to publishers last week (nerve-wracking!)--I, with my Protestant work ethic, am sitting here ready to pounce back on one of those other books--after staying up late trying to post Homespun on Barnes & Noble.  Oh, I shouldn't blame a work ethic.  Actually, I'm afraid there's a little fear there, too.  I feel happy when I'm engaged in a book--it occupies my mind, taking me out of day-to-day worries, and, specifically, worries about my mental illness (which, knock-on-wood, has been 'all better' just recently).  

Oh, back to the query letters.  I actually did send four last year, but I received NO reply.  Except for one letter saying that they only work with agents and solicited authors.  So Michael helped me send off 41 letters. Forty-one!!!  He's so cool.  Here I selected the four so carefully, with no response, whereas Michael wasn't selective--he was like, "Let's plow through this thing."  And we did!  So we'll see if I get any response.  I think I'm much less attached and sensitive about it now, so whatever happens is okay.  I realize how inundated those publishing companies are--and I've read about Pulitzer-prize-winning manuscripts being turned down with test submissions, repeatedly.  It's a crap shoot--even if your work is good.  So, I'm crossing my fingers, but I wouldn't bet on it.

Are you curious about my three books?  Okay, I'll tell you :).  

First is one about Sophia Dorothea, the wife of King George I.  Hers is a pretty fascinating and relatively unknown tale with LOTS of romance.  Yep, right up there with Caroline :).  I wrote maybe a third of the required word count (for a novel) before being disrupted with some school break or other.  I'd like to finish it, and I'll admit that some of my urging comes from a dream I had.  In my dream, I found an old LP record from 1726 (yes, I know records weren't around then).  I was excited and cleaned the dust from it before putting it on to play.  When I woke up, I wondered about the year 1726, and I realized, after looking it up, that it was the year that Sophia Dorothea died!  I didn't think I had those dates securely in my head, but it must have been there somewhere.  So, yeah, there's the analogy of her story ending with her death and then ME finding it and playing it again, after years of gathering dust.  So cool.  And my dream makes me feel a little duty-bound about it, actually.  Again,  like The Silk Trilogy, this is a story about a supposed ancestress (who really can be sure, right?).  I fancy that I've somehow inherited their stories, deep down in my DNA somewhere--like a holographic intuition.  That notion, true or not, really does fuel my writing.

Second is my kids' book centered on Elizabeth, daughter of King James I of England, when she's just a girl at the time of the Gunpowder Plot (celebrated on Guy Fawkes' day).  The conspirators wanted to put HER on the throne, actually, and I figured it would be cool to tell the story from the child's perspective.  A big component of this story will be the issue about Catholicism versus Protestantism.  Also, Henry, Elizabeth's older brother, will be featured in this story.  I've written maybe three chapters so far, only, but I promised Fiona this would be my next book ages ago, before my illness really took over.  Again, Elizabeth and her parents are supposed ancestors--and, actually, I tend to adopt childless aunts and uncles into my tree, as they seem a little lost.  Henry never had children, so I appropriate him as 'mine', too :).

My third book?  I've only just barely begun, but I might piece it together over the summer, since it'll take less focused creativity than the other books.  The title might clue you in to it and, actually, tell you a little of what I dealt with in my illness.  It just came to me one day, and I really think I might write it.  It's called Possessed By Demons:  Memoirs of a Schizophrenic.  Powerful stuff, hmm?  Fact is, being the writer that I am, I wrote probably hundreds of letters to 'them'--'them' being a product of my paranoia, it seems.  So, I might sift through some of these letters and put together the most poignant.  Also, I hope and pray that the newly implemented gluten-free diet is key to my recovery--and that the book could raise awareness of that therapy.  I have yet, actually, to discontinue my antipsychotic medication, so we'll see, but the psychoses did not fully disappear until I started the gluten-free diet.  My psychiatrist plans to try to d/c the antipsychotic this summer, so that will influence what goes into the book.  I'm hoping and wishing that the gluten-free diet is key--as that will, in fact, give purpose to my illness, if it turns out to be important.  Give meaning to all that suffering.  You know?  If I can help a multitude of others by raising awareness and be okay myself afterwards?  Also, I wouldn't mind having the magic bullet for my own illness not be a pharmaceutical, though I'm grateful for whatever remedy there might be.  If it is the pharmaceutical, then I'll say so in the book.  It doesn't rule out writing the book.  Interestingly, a lot of schizophrenics simply aren't able to write.  The have something called 'Word Salad' that makes them jump from topic to topic rather incoherently.  It has to do with making a lot of loose associations, something I'm certainly inclined to do.  I sometimes jump topics, but so far I'm still fairly coherent, I believe :).  So, I think this might be an unfilled niche for my writing.  About 1% of folks in our society are schizophrenic, and I've seen the figure that up to 50% of homeless people are.  It affects a LOT of folks.

There are so many other books that I'd like to write, most dealing with the monarchy, as they've really captured my imagination.  It might be biased, but so far everything is primarily centered from a female perspective.  After writing Homespun, I realized that I didn't like the stretch required to get into my main character's minds when they were so very different from me.  Caroline was fun to write.  Gaynelle was a little more difficult, but still pretty doable.  Ginny was difficult.  So, from now on I hope to identify with my main characters.  The surrounding cast will give plenty of room for stretching my mind!  

Future books might include a grown-up Elizabeth (same one--goddaughter of Queen Elizabeth I) and her daughter Sophia of Hanover (whom I adore!!!!!  She's left a ton of letters and memoirs, and she's completely delightful.  I identify with her quite a bit, except that she's more of a stinker than I ever was!).  Then there's one perhaps about Caroline of Ansbach, wife of George II, although I'm not nearly as excited about that one.  We'll see...it's just that I've come up with some fascinating stuff from that period, with my own unique take on it, and I need a main character from that period.  Sure, I've considered making up a main character, but I'm rather attached to my genealogy, if you haven't noticed!  Caroline of Ansbach has a great story, and she seems fairly moral and all.  Maybe it would be healthy for me to identify with her! :)  I just haven't read anything truly gripping about her as of yet...but maybe I can write that myself!

A distantly possible story is about Sophie of Mecklenburg-Gustrow, Queen of Denmark.  Big time romance with Tycho Brahe!  And YES, I'm thrilled at the notion that I am descended from the great astronomer.  Only thing about her story is that I just don't know enough about her, about Scandinavian customs.  See, all of these monarchy books vary from my Silk Trilogy because I'm going to use their real names.  The stories wouldn't be nearly as good without their real names--ruining the entire point of that particular historical fiction.  I purposely changed names up in The Silk Trilogy because I was adding and changing things to suit my fictional accounts--so I'm a bit nervous about setting my books in Britain and Germany.  These are already a stretch, but DENMARK?  We'll see.  I do have that notion now, because, again, it's one of those intuitive stories that I discovered was probably true after-the-fact.  I'd read that Sophie knew and supported Tycho Brahe, and then I looked at Anne of Denmark's picture and decided that she resembled Brahe far more than her supposed father.  I was totally caught up in my fantasy, but then I discovered that it's probably true--that Brahe was probably poisoned for the very same relationship by Anne's brother!  That later King of Denmark took apart Brahe's observatory completely, when it had been the finest observatory in Europe!  Talk about a grudge...  Anyhow, Anne was King James of England's wife.  When he looked into marrying the oldest daughter of the King of Denmark of that earlier period, that King refused him but then offered his next daughter, Anne.  I imagine that the King of Denmark was scoffing because the child was a bastard, and he thought he was getting over on King James.  Meanwhile, James allowed him to believe this, as he already knew that she was Brahe's daughter--which was far BETTER, right?  Talk about intelligent genes!  Oh, and right after James married Anne, they traveled to pay a visit to Brahe.  Interesting, hmm?  Love that stuff...but I'm completely out of my element with regards to Denmark.  I don't have Sophie of Mecklenburg-Gustrow's letters or memoirs, and I haven't read histories of the Denmark royalty.  So, this story has potential, but it's WAY on the back-burner.  Oh, the brains weren't just from Brahe, by the way.  That Sophie?  She became the RICHEST woman in all of Europe, due to some savvy trading and money-lending.  Also, in her later years, she spent a lot of time devoted to science while banished to an island, rich and alone.  Romantic and fascinating...but I don't know enough about her world.  I'm already nervous to death about trying to write about British royalty, and I've read a ton on them!

Hmm, that pretty much wraps up all the books on my brain right now.  The one mental health book and the monarchy series.  I need to come up with a name for that series.  Originally, I was calling it the Hanoverian Series, but that doesn't really apply to a lot of them.  It'll be a little odd that I'm writing children's and adult's books in the same period, about the same people...funny, hmm?  Oh well.  There is ONE other book that I may one day publish.  Maybe it'll be a follow-up to my health book.  I've been documenting a lot of my recipes for a time--gluten-free, dairy-free, vegetarian...  We'll see about that.  It's sort of one that isn't there for me to work on, except to just record as good recipes occur.  I do forget to write them down, though, so maybe it's good for me to at least mention the recipes to you, to get my head back into the right space.  I've recently made some fantastic minestrone and a wonderful quinoa salad.

Okay, I was kicking myself for 'wasting' today on this blog, but it is sort of a 'basking in the moment' thing to do, isn't it?  Getting my author head on straight!

Yikes, that brings to mind that I need to get my mommy and family head on, as well.  School will be out soon, and I've let the house go a bit with my frantic editing and re-editing of Homespun.  Over and over again, but FINALLY done!  Yay!  

There's the cleaning to do--and, since the kids are bigger now, it doesn't turn into a disaster quite as quickly, so there's hope.  There's also the summer plans for the kids.  Fiona likes to stay busy 24/7.  She's a sweetheart, but demanding.  And I should enjoy that she wants to spend time with me.  She just likes to DO stuff, which necessarily cuts down on my authoring time when she's out of school.  I can get myself totally stressed out, if I don't go ahead and PLAN on devoting time to her.  

So, our plans include, I think, besides two camps, just the pool, piano, and some music workbooks for her--also the flute, which I promised to teach her this summer.  I'm hoping that she independently spends a good bit of time painting, as she's recently created some adorable acrylic paintings.  Alex needs to complete his terminology workbook begun last summer, and he may get back to the piano (starting today, actually, since his soccer ended last week--his self-imposed exemption to practicing piano).  Will I have the fortitude to implement these routines effectively?  We'll see.  My base has weakened considerably since my illness peaked, as I feel great guilt about it all with regards to the children.  But we'll see.  I'm recuperating :).

House, kids, books...  Busy is good.  At some point I hope to develop some friendships locally again.  I still have my BFF in WA, Michael, and my fantastic kids.  My sis and mom are there for me...but local friends have become mere acquaintances--thanks, in part, to my mental illness, I believe now.  I'm alright for the time being, I suppose, but I'd like to develop some more meaningful local friendships eventually, maybe even soon.

Whew...talk about inundating you with everything at once!  This is me trying to put my head on straight and look around to get my bearings after the whirlwind of exclusive Homespun focus over the past few weeks.  But perhaps I should just close my eyes for a couple of minutes and enjoy the respite after finishing an entire TRILOGY!  Yay :).  I've said it before, but I'll say it again--I've always looked at writing a trilogy in much the same light as earning your black belt in taekwondo.  What tops that?  Once you're in the industry, you can of course see things to top that (like making actual money!), but from the outset, this was my goal.  I did it!  Yay!  :)

Funny how I started off saying I wanted to celebrate and not jump ahead, and then I jumped ahead anyhow. It's just how I do, though.  But at least I gave myself the chance to regain my bearings before delving into the next book, right?  

Okay, a pithy closing statement isn't coming to me, but I really do need to wrap this up.  Hope you are getting ready for a wonderful summer, and that your goals are being achieved and celebrated as well!  

Materialism and guilt

We just got back from a trip to Atlanta.  I'm busily editing my book--there's so much to do!--but I am distracted with thoughts about materialism, about how to balance it with our consciences.

On one hand, I was encouraged by my counselor at one point to think in terms of plenitude -that there is enough for everyone, that we're not doing anyone any favor by denying ourselves.  And to some extent, I think our ingenuity makes this true.  For instance, do you recall dire predictions about running out of coal, gas, and oil?  About how we'd have to do without cars, without electricity?  Well, solar and wind power are proving that this isn't the case--and they're also greener, healthier.  So, since those are pollutants, I'm not for them, but the concern about plenitude was unfounded.

On another level, the concern about pollution guides my concern here as well, for most industries do produce pollution.  The more 'stuff' we buy, the more pollution is generated by these industries.

So, we had a very American, materialistic weekend.  We visited the American Girl store in Atlanta.  First, let's shame...their products are not produced in America!  They're vastly overpriced, but I haven't seen the first sign of anything green about their production.  They hire CHEAP labor and price through the roof!  And the dolls are made with plastic.  What else?  Oh, their latest movie shows a leaning towards selfish brattiness, whereas the older ones were much more about altruism and morals.  AND?  The mothers are much older than I am in these movies, which points again to their demographic--the mom actually had young twins in the last movie, which hints at in vitro, given the actress' age of 50.
Ugh.  When I focus on these points, I feel a bit ashamed of shelling my money out to this corporation, supporting such crass materialism and, obviously, pollution.  However, I'd like to mention the finer points of this corporation now...

One word:  Barbie.  American Girls are very wholesome young GIRLS, not women.  Much more appropriate.  Also, they draw girls in with their stories, many historical, often dealing quite well with girl issues.  Psychologically, it is so much nicer than the Barbie industry.  On the same note, I have to say that the high prices of the American Girl dolls have a positive end--the girls I know have just one or a couple of the dolls.  They're meant to be SPECIAL.  Fiona had tons of Barbies, none of whom received much care or such enjoyment.  So, in a sort of 'scale' comparison, the AG dolls are sort of like your hybrid vehicles.  Yes, still causing pollution, but not as much.  I also think it's healthy for the girls to learn to care for their things.  They all paid for their dolls to have their hair worked on in the doll salon--at a price that could have easily bought a NEW Barbie.  But it got their dolls looking fresh and new, and was SO worth it.  (Hey, at least those workers were American!)
Oh, while I'm mentioning Barbie, I feel a need to mention that their movies are going downhill in the extreme. I loved the early ones, but the latest are not nearly the quality and again are promoting selfish, bratty behavior again.  What's up with them?  I'm quite disappointed.

Okay, so there we go.  This is a constant dialogue in my head--these worries about materialism.  Since inheriting my grandparents' big old home, we're maintaining two very spacious dwellings.  When I'm in SC, I'll walk through the town and notice families living in mobile homes and am struck with a feeling of guilt that we barely stay in our big old house there, which I love.  Meanwhile, those families stay full-time in a cramped little trailer.
Oh well...or not oh well.
I'm afraid I don't have an answer.  Minimally, I should be appreciative and do my best to not be wasteful.  I do shop at consignment shops and the farmer's market.  We're vegetarian and frequent a little veg cafe that uses organic ingredients.  That's actually our Saturday morning 'outing' that leaves me feeling proud and happy, actually--we buy local and organic groceries for the week and eat at that cafe, and it's still pleasant and fun and tasty, without all the guilt.
And we are working to restore that old home in SC.  That's a very green thing to do--and given the number of dilapidated dwellings around there, perhaps I should let go of my guilt about owning it!  And, who knows?  We may just retire there--and we don't have any other retirement plan going on!  Or, I've thought--it might serve for Fiona to set up house there when she's a budding artist.  She could garden and write...  That's possible, though I worry about her social life there.  

Want to know another thought I've been having?  It's the concern that I'll contribute to deforestation if my books are printed.  I'm trying to tell myself that the publishing companies have a quota of books that they ARE going to print, so by making mine one of them, the number of books won't be any different.  Maybe.  Anyhow, I should just hold onto that thought for comfort so long as my books aren't being printed, then I'll need to bury the notion when they are.  And if they ever get HUGE, perhaps I can influence towards greener practices, like JK Rowling did (I believe--her last Harry Potter book was 70% or so recycled materials).

Hmm, perhaps the answer is, again, moderation.  At least, that seems to be the right answer towards my own peace of mind, in general.  The Taoists talk about 'going with the flow', and I've felt the pain of being so very different from the mainstream culture.  It's easier if you cave and enjoy it to a certain extent--and figure out ways to make things better in the process.

Okay, thanks for thinking about this with me.  I need to get back to the editing, but these worries and my conscience were plaguing me.  I can worry myself silly, but I do think that a certain level of conscientiousness can help a lot.

Nothing to Say, but Inspiration will Come

Hello.  I suppose I'm not blogging often enough these days.  It's interesting how after a while it seems that only monumental news is worthy of posting.  Little things seem less significant.  Not that we don't have monumental news.  I suppose we sort of do!  But it's not in stone, yet.  Michael and I are getting remarried on our 20th anniversary, it looks like.  That's big news, isn't it?  Except not so much, as I view it as merely dealing with issues of my illness.  Kinda straightening things back out, you see?

Also, I'm busy with working on my Homespun edit.  But that's still in process, so I'll let you know when it's officially e-published.  Editing has actually been like that for all my books.  I couldn't bear to acknowledge quite how many times I needed to go through them at first, so each time was seen as my last on each book.  Once I finished a go-thru, I could conceive of another go-thru--just not multiple times...  It's really interesting how different I perceive my stories on paper (vs. on the computer screen).  I wonder if that's well-known in the editing world?  So that's my process...a read-aloud helps initially, after one on-screen go-thru.  My BFF/editor goes thru at this point, too, generally, though she hasn't gotten through Homespun yet.  Then I print it out (or Michael does for me!) and go-thru it again.  Then he goes-thru the printed version.  Then I generally have a final go-thru... Yep, that's seven times.  Seven?  Yes, I didn't mention that I usually proof the previous day's writing before going on to write more, in the midst of the writing process.  I can't imagine just going on without reviewing the previous day's work.  And I also generally re-read my day's work at the end of the day--so maybe it's more like eight edits!  But you'd be surprised how you can find an obvious typo on the eighth go-thru.  Really?  Yep.  Even if you found virtually none from the get-go.  Strange, that.  Just tiny things, like homonyms--'phase' for 'faze' and 'it's' for 'its'.

I'm still not as fond of Homespun as I am of the first two books, but I believe it's because I don't identify with the characters quite as much, and the book is darker than I prefer (maybe, in part, due to my illness).  I adore the audacious Vivian, but she's far more jaded and worldly than I am. Hmm, maybe I'm jaded, too, but I enjoy characters who are a little more hopeful and inspiring.  Gaynelle is there, but she takes a rather small role.

Okay, well, that's about all I have to say.  Just wanted to post an update here, even though I didn't know what I'd say.  Writing is often like that for me.  I heard J.K. Rowling say the same thing not long ago--that you just sit and write.  If you wait for inspiration, it simply won't happen.  You just do it, and the inspiration comes in the process.  I think that's true.

Homespun update

Oh my goodness, I just looked back through some posts and saw that I finished the Homespun rough draft nearly a year ago.  Whew...big breaths.

With all my issues, I've been literally unable to work on it consistently, and I'm still not thrilled yet...too much darkness, in my opinion, in the first half especially.  And books are for the readers, right?  Okay, so some folks don't mind prolonged dark writing, but I've never particularly cared for horror stories or constant drama.  I need humor and lightness, and I've adjusted it a bit--I'd particularly like to add one chapter.

The truth?  I've been 'banned' from working on it by my well-meaning advisers.  Michael, Laura (my editor and BFF), and my sis all know what I'm going through, and they want me to avoid triggers--which, unfortunately, includes all the fun things--my intense music, my intense stories--be they movies, novels, or my own writing, and, most difficult of all, alone time.  They say, and I'm hoping desperately, that this is just temporarily, until I'm back to close-to-normal.  And I'm writing my blog now, aren't I?  That shows some improvement again, I hope.

To tell the truth, I think it'll be a process of 'let's just see how it goes'.  Baby-steps, you know.  Like trying to work on my novel while hanging out at Michael's office, so I'm not alone.  No, I can't focus or relax like at home, but there's a safety net, since most of my troubles were at their peak when I was alone.  And few people like their alone-time as much as I do.  Sigh.  Ironic, isn't it?

Things have been so extreme, though.  If I could just focus for a couple of weeks, Homespun should be ready enough for publication.  Ideally, at least a month or two for optimal adjustments, but my standards aren't incredibly high at the moment.  I'm just desperate to finish my trilogy.  Even if all the other books (I have another series in mind that I've begun two books around) never are completed, I feel impelled to complete my trilogy.  I'm like " that close.  Sort of like breaking your leg right before black belt testing in taekwondo, you know--my knee went out just after, but at least I got that belt.  I want to finish my trilogy, which definitely involves more editing.  I can't just publish a rough draft.  I'd be ashamed.

AND I am excited about a whole different series, which I've been ripped apart from with this illness.  So hopefully Homespun isn't the end of my writing 'career'.  My writing-heart has moved on to another space, but Homespun needs completion, and I'll feel so much better getting it out there, finally published.  Just e-published, you know, nothing fancy.  But out there and complete.  If nothing else, maybe of interest to my grandkids and great-grandkids and all that, you know?  Wouldn't that be fun to read your ggg-grandparent's novel (or, even better, trilogy)?  I think so :).

Okay, I've gotten myself all pumped up.  I think I will take my laptop into Michael's office this week and see if I can edit a bit.  Send me good wishes, please, and even pray for me, if that's your thing and you're comfortable with it.  Yes, this person right here has been doing that a bit.  I'm ashamed it's not regularly and it's quite selfish, and I hate to 'put God in a box' or act like he's 'on call', but hopefully I'm forgiven as I asked for forgiveness as I prayed.  Life is too confusing and too hard sometimes, isn't it?

Roller Coaster Life

I sounded so certain, didn't I?  In my last post, that is.
Well, turns out that I had some shocks in store for me on the mental health front.  And, although we were already technically divorced (less than a week), I became completely incapacitated and needed round-the-clock care.  I never imagined anything like that could or would happen to me.  Despite everything, Michael came through for me and has been tending me every second that he can, determined that I wouldn't be put into some in-patient facility.  Mom and Stephenie, my sis, have also helped take care of me, but it's been Michael round-the-clock, as much as he's able while still working.
Marital status?  As far as I'm concerned, we still feel married.  If I needed proof that he loves me, I think that's been given.  Of course, our old problems aren't going to magically disappear, and I see bits of them cropping up already as I am improving.  I suppose maybe counseling will help, but I'm enmeshed in my own extreme problems at the moment, and he's still my bouey.
Sigh.  Our relationship has had so many ups and downs, and I was tired of that.  Tired of the kids being exposed to that.  But maybe my treatment--which includes a deluge of prescription drugs for the first time ever in my life--may help, I hope.
We're engaged for now.  I worry about the future--whether to rush into getting married again right away.  I mean, we're living as a married couple still/again.  It seems right to 'fix' the paperwork end of things, but the divorce wasn't just willy-nilly, and I wonder if we should wait until I'm not quite so desperately helpless.  He wonders that, actually, to my surprise.  Imagine that?  He doesn't like not getting along, either.
But perhaps my mental health issues are a part of the root of the whole problem.  :(  I'm still not certain about anything, but I am extremely grateful to Michael and my family for helping me through this excruciating time in my life.  And, if he'll have me, I do plan and hope to work things out with Michael.  We've talked about getting re-married on our 20th anniversary, as in 'renewal of vows', but we'll see.  I'm not particularly sentimental, so if Michael's not quite ready by then, I'm okay with that.  He's been my hero through this, and, if there is such a thing as a silver lining to that dark, dark cloud, it's that he's proved that he cares for me and will push himself through exhaustion and weariness to help me.  It might seem silly to sound surprised, but the degree of his care has blown me away.  I'm not sure I would do that, even if I were able to--which I'm not.
So that's the update on our relationship status, and I'm afraid I have to retract that whole 'great guy on the market', because he's not.  I've got him rather busy for now, and we're engaged again, so apologies for my roller-coaster posts.  I did mean it, but I'm crazy (they won't let me say that, but we all think it).
Hopefully things will get better, and the roller-coaster ride will level out.  They make me a bit ill, as in actual motion sickness, and it's time to get off that ride--but it looks like we'll be doing it together, to my surprise.