Bright, Wonderful, Social Morning!

Hello!  What a refreshing day!  Hopefully it stays this way, but it has been so nice this morning to come into Savannah, visit a funky little coffee shop with Michael, and sit here in his acupuncture office--where three nice guys treat patients all day for a living.  Then, when I open up my e-mail inbox, I find that the summer camp that I've been long-stressing about has finally opened up registration!  Yay!  Fiona loved her ArtSmarts camps last year, and they've already had their beloved Armstrong camp cancelled this year, while the ArtSmarts registration took forever to open up, and I was dreading missing it and the classes filling before I even found out about it.  Either because I've been bugging them to death or simply because she's a past registrant, they sent me an early registration form last night (only one day early!) to help prevent that from happening.  Whew!  Anyhow, that's not what I actually meant to blog about, but I'm thrilled with the morning so far--and the fact that we could actually barely afford the spur-of-the-moment expenditure.  That's not always the case, and the concept of actually putting money away that I know we'll need is still only a theoretical notion to my minute-by-minute brain :).  Anyhow, beautiful morning, lovely people, great camp confirmed--AND I'm about to see a friend--after having another of my dearest friends over for tea yesterday.  Pretty good for this hermit! 

Hope you all have a lovely, beautiful morning as well!

Atheism

Yikes.  Just writing that word makes me cringe.  It's like a dirty word--I'm quicker to spew any manner of curse words than to say that word, but I realized when I was thinking about the topic of this blog, that that's what's on my mind.  Therefore, I will probably not say, 'I'm an atheist' (horrified shudder), but perhaps I will, after all.
Thing is, actually, that I do believe in the existence of our spirits, and in the vague notion of God imbuing everything, every being with a certain sacredness.  So perhaps it's not so much a lack of belief in God (who is certainly not exactly a literal interpretation of the Bible's fierce and jealous God in my mind) as it is a lack of belief in religion.
Not that churches are a bad thing, in general.  I like the idea of communal gathering places for social support--and a systematic way to channel our spiritual energies.  Those are good things.  I also like the idea of a certain amount of ethical guidance, as, sadly, so many folks seem sorely lacking and unwilling to consider their actions. That, however, seems to be more of an idealistic aspiration than reality, as my experience with most seriously religious folks is that they take to heart the teachings that validate what they already want to do, and then they use those teachings and often twist them to condemn and judge others who believe and behave differently from them.
When I once questioned the literal interpretation of the Bible that my father ascribed to, he stated flatly that if I didn't agree with him that I wasn't a Christian.  I never thought that at all until that point.  It had never occurred to me to question my 'Christianity'.  I had been quite devout as a teenager, praying quite often and even wishing upon occasion that there were a Protestant type of 'nun', as that sort of pious existence sounded so, well, divine.  Not that I would have gone that route--just saying that it appealed to me.
His words had a profound impact, though, as ever since I have increasingly questioned whether or not I am a Christian.  I don't believe in a completely literal interpretation of the Bible, but, then again, some sects don't--hence the term 'fundamentalist' for those who do.  I do believe a lot of the Bible is historically accurate--just not all of it.  And, to tell the truth, I have come increasingly to see Jesus as a powerful, wise, and quite spiritual man with wonderful teachings.  Perhaps he was imbued with a particularly special 'God element'.  However, regardless of his wisdom and teachings, I still rely upon my own inner compass to tell me what's right or wrong, what seems ethical.  Heresy to some, but that's just how it is.
And perhaps the element about religion that bothers me most is the idea of 'turning it all over to Jesus'.  Truthfully, I think it is a development primarily created to pacify the masses.  It's a political tool to shut people down and shut them up.  And, living in the deep South as I do, I am getting sick and tired of hearing the constant dribble.  Fine, fine, FINE if you want to 'turn it over to him'.  Good for you.  I hope it comforts and soothes your spirit.  Truly.  Frankly, though, for me that is simply an excuse to not take responsibility for my own thoughts, experiences and actions.  To not 'deal'.  To shut down and give up.
So, to honor the spirit with the sacred element that 'God' placed there, I am averse to giving up, to relegating my own personal responsibilities to another faction.  I can learn from Jesus' teachings, from Buddha's teachings, etc., but I will never shut down and give up and tune out from my own inner compass.  To do so would be to shirk my own ethical and moral duties, as I see them.  So, if you choose to say, as my dad did, that I'm not a Christian, then fine.  If you choose to call me heathen or atheist, then fine.  I am a Unitarian Universalist, at least.  That much I know.  Thing is, though, that one can be an atheist or a Christian or a Buddhist and still be a UU.  And frankly, defining myself as a UU is about as much classifying as I can stomach.
Quick note--I'd urge any of you to read through your world history texts with a view towards the spread of religion.  If it hadn't been for a lot of brutal, vicious warfare and head-hacking, you probably wouldn't be calling yourself Christian, either--nor perpetuating 'Christianity' with that sort of mentality.  Not to say you might not be spreading another religion the same way...

Remodeling Time

The past year has been a time of much work on my grandparents' house.  My kids have inherited their home, but, given that Grandaddy was 91 at the time of death, things had gotten just a tad run down.  At first, it was just a mission to restore a couple of the very worst rooms, but it's become a complete project now, which includes the entire house.  Not that I'm tearing down walls or any such, but the next room will involve ripping out paneling and a drop ceiling.  Yep, planning to gut the thing!  Strange what they thought constituted 'improvement'.  Sigh...  Anyhow, at this 1 yr juncture, I am thrilled that we've nearly gotten a quarter of the house redone.  Hey, it's big!
You know the fun thing about the slow pace, room by room?  It's the character that each room gets--and how much pride you gain by seeing your work day after day.  I wish I'd taken before pictures, but I always cringe from the ugly ones!  It'd be nice to show the amazing contrast, though, as folks all-too-quickly forget how awful they were before!
So far, each room is an entirely different color, though I've stuck with the same 'bistro white' for trimwork.  Hoping to get at least two rooms 'on-line' here in the next couple of weeks, and maybe I'll break for just a little breather before starting the gutting project!  Can hardly wait, though, as my son's room is SO much nicer than ours!
No, he doesn't get preferential treatment!  Poor guy was on the living room sofa at first, as the room was initially unlivable--for months!  Then, of course, Fiona was a little jealous, though she'd gotten the nicest room of all to begin with.  However, we're redoing her little bathroom now.  We put new tile down, which is gorgeous!  Just love tiling.  New sink and toilet, ceiling fan (yep, in bathroom)...it's cute, and a pretty 'French Lavender Blue' now.  Can't wait to finish.
That's about it, and my mind spends just about as much time circling around these projects these days as it does my author stuff.  Tedious to everyone else, but kind of fun for me!  In fact, Michael called me the 'project manager' last weekend, and I realized that is a little how it is--another 'cap' to try on and wear with pride.  That Gemini thing, you know...
Okey-dokey.  Dare I say that things are going a little, tiny smidge better than last time I wrote?  Maybe life will get back to normal.  That would be nice! :)
 

Homespun covers

Hey folks,

Just thought I'd update my blog with some tidbits.  Not, by any means, a comprehensive overview of my life, over even key points--as things have been crappy on a grand scale as of late.  So, don't take any cheery talk to mean that my life is perfect or even good.  For any assholes out there, please note that if I'm cheerful for a single damn moment, it doesn't mean I'm happy--so don't feel obliged to ruin my momentary second of peacefulness, please.

That said, this is my blog, and there are some things that I want to share because, well, it's my blog.  So, know that you're welcome to read on if you are a well-wisher and kindly person only--a person who respects boundaries and is basically honest and forthright in your dealings with others.  

Okay, so you have some of the gist of what's been sheer shit in my life lately--at least a big segment of it.  I have had a lot of bright points, too, and I'd like to honor those moments and treasure them, as we all should do.  

First of all, I've finished the rough draft for Homespun--the final novel in the Silk Trilogy.  I'm not as happy with it as with the first two, but I am thrilled to be approaching the completion of the trilogy.  Part of the trouble I had with it is that I didn't relate to my main characters as much as I did to Caroline or Gaynelle or some of the more idealistic, high-minded others.  It reflects a rougher time, with fallout from Jessie's rearing and all...  The book's in the editing process right now, and I hope to get it where I like it nearly as much as the other two by the time it's published.  We'll see.  I'll be quite pleased to get it out there.  Here are a couple of potential covers for it above.

So, those images are my two favorite options so far.  I haven’t come up with a subtitle, but I don’t know that I’ll bother for this one.  To tell the truth, it’s not as much of a fairy-tale or idealism-based tale, so I’m not feeling that compelling urge.  There is a bit of idealism in the story, though, and that lies with Vivian.  She always was idealistic, in her way, and that aspect of her character comes through again in this story.

[Note that this is my personal blog, not created for author purposes except personal motivation, so I apologize for any spoilers that may leak through.]

Jack, Rosa’s son, is another idealism-motivated character.  However, his mindset is far more conventional than Vivian’s—and you’ll find that they don’t exactly relate.  He is still an honest person, though, so he’s a favorite of mine.

Well, that’s cheery tale #1.  Not much else to share of positive note on the writing front, except that the reading and research goes on for the Hanoverian books.  We’ll see how the inspiration for those goes.  I’ve got a slew of potential stories, and I’ve started one of them.  The issue that I’m feeling most nervous about is the feeling of needing to adhere with known historical facts—which makes it quite restrictive when wanting to build a story.  No impromptu trips or changes—everything has to concur with history, as far as we know it.  That complicates things, to say the least—especially with regards to just setting down and pumping out the word counts.  Almost tempted to ignore facts, write the books, and then make adjustments as needed, y’know?  Besides, I’ve been noticing gross negligence in other historical fiction.  I wouldn’t want to be guilty of the same, but it is FICTION, after all, true?

Okey-dokey, so that’s my joy number one.  Number two on the list is the same-ole, same ole—my lovely chilluns.  Nope, not always perfect, but pretty wonderful anyhow.  Okay, I’ll admit to a bit of disappointment with my eldest, on a small scale—his current obsession (and yes, like me, he generally has some extremely absorbing keen interest) is with violent weapons, militaristic combat.  Sigh.  What to do?  I just pray he outgrows it.  These fiendish interests generally last him at least a couple of years, though, so let’s pray this one ends before he graduates high school and can commit himself to the life of a soldier.  Pretty sure he’d be all over that if it were an option right now!  Mommy is not so keen, though, obviously!  Oh, note the ‘Mommy’.  You know what?  My strapping teenager has been addressing me as ‘Mommy’ of late.  So weird, to me, but sweet, too—so I let it go with a smile and am wondering if he’ll do the same in front of his buddies!  Will try to take note…

Aside from the testosterone-related violence passion and the fact that he’s recently quit the piano (such a shame), my dear boy continues to be a thoughtful sweetheart.  He’s permissive as can be with his little sis, sensitive to my feelings, and continues to do well in school.  Somehow, that violent bent seems completely separate from his strong ethical basis, and he worries about the environment and animal rights still.  So, I am fairly happy with him and just keeping my fingers crossed that his current phase will pass.

Fiona continues to be ever more thoughtful and sweet.  She hasn’t done as much art lately, but I’m praying that the summer camps give her ample opportunity to engage those talents.  She’s actually been a complete bookworm these days, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  I do worry about her eyes, but I know her imagination is engaged—and her sense of values is generally uplifted by the ideas explored in the books.  History is absorbed a bit, as well—we were just discussing WWII this morning, as a result of her reading of a Judy Blume book.  No, not the most efficient history lessons, but it is a way of history becoming more meaningful and alive for her.  I hope I do the same for some folks when I’ve written the Hanoverian series. J

That’s select overview stuff, I guess, for this blog.  An interesting item from the past day is a find at the flea market.  Now, mind you—I’ve only been there a couple of times, including today!  We were hoping to find 2-3 select items—and were unsuccessful.  I left feeling a bit annoyed about it, as I’m so goal-oriented.  However, I did pick up a ring for Fiona there.  I paid $10 for the ring, and I was a bit tickled.  It didn’t seem so very spectacular in the moment, after the blinding glitz of some of the bling being marketed there, but I liked it and got the notion to pick it up.  It wasn’t until later that I kept admiring how graceful her hand looked with it on that we took a good look at it—turns out that it’s an 18K-white gold-plated band with an assortment of tiny garnets and diamonds in a raised 4-cornered pyramid sort of shape.  I’m sure you’ve seen those rather old-fashioned rings—my mother used to have a sapphire one like it.  Anyhow, Michael cleaned it up (and did the identification of authenticity with his loop J), and it’s gracing her little hand now.  Not sure what it’s actually worth, but I’m pretty sure $10 was more than fair, and I’m quite pleased with that find—almost to the point of considering a return visit to the flea market.  I was initially a bit repulsed by the idea—what with the stale smoke smells, cheap crap and porn-ish paraphernalia—Ugh, shudder, close my eyes—but there were some great tables—especially outdoors.  One home-schooling mom had a wonderful assortment of books, of which we bought a pile—and there were other rather interesting little finds among the junk.  It’s a learning experience as well, as I showed Alex an ash tray and asked him if he knew what it was.  He didn’t!  How fun J. 

Okay, well, to tell you the truth, that ring was the exciting factor that led me to blog tonight.  Just that happy urge to share it with the world...or at least record it for myself here!  

Hope that things are going well for any sweet, friendly folks who might be reading this--and for all my lovely friends and family who aren't, as well!  May your hearts be ever-filled with love and kindness--and mine, too!