Don't Shoot the Messenger!

Gosh, we all just want to be told we're perfect, don't we? We can well up with satisfaction and joy when someone does just that, and it's a grand thing. How sweet they are, and it's so nice to be respected and appreciated for all our wonderful qualities.

So, is that what a good friend does? Do we bite our tongues and show only positivity? Hmm...perhaps. I suppose it depends on the level of friendship.

Folks generally don't want to hear about their typos and mistakes. If our goal is simply to be loved, perhaps that is the best way to go about it. Walking around praising everyone to the skies, and closing our eyes to all faults...it would work, wouldn't it? We'd be beloved!

Is that what is best for our friends, though? If I have spinach in my teeth and chat with my dear friend for an hour, go pick the kids up from school and greet 20 other folks, go to their after-school activities and smile brightly at 20 more, and then get home to look in the mirror and see that spinach right there...did my friend actually do me a favor? No, she didn't cause me the momentary embarrassment that I would have had if she'd told me, and I still think perhaps she somehow didn't notice...

Truly, though...a lot of folks simply don't identify or see problems. It's nice to just focus on the good, isn't it? And I do delight in having friends who are largely positive. In fact, I try to be positive quite a bit! Oh, stop laughing! :)

Anyhow, that's sort of a caveat before the point, as I do realize some folks simply don't tend to identify problems and naturally focus on the beautiful--a tendency I wouldn't mind picking up! Aside from that, though, I'd assert that not telling friends something that you believe would benefit or help them (physically, mentally, whatever!) is just plain old selfish. No, that doesn't make me the most popular person around, and I have to watch out for being 'preachy', but it's how I take care of my friends. There's a balance, though, that we need to achieve.

Truth is, though, that if you hold a critical piece of information that would help put a friend's puzzle together, but perhaps in a less than flattering or desirable way, your friend may turn on you. They may then associate you with the information, as though you are somehow the cause! (And while I may be somewhat intuitive, I do not hold supernatural powers. Give me a break! And would you really rather not know?)

In fact, recent articles and studies have proven that children do better and learn more when they are critiqued and tested in schools on a constant basis than when they receive constant praise and little testing. They may enjoy school #2 a bit more, but school #1 is better for them.

So, eat your vegetables, folks! We all love the desserts, but they're not really that good for us in the long term. That said, you can serve big hunks of raw veggies or prepare them carefully. It does make a big difference!