Roller Coaster Life

I sounded so certain, didn't I?  In my last post, that is.
Well, turns out that I had some shocks in store for me on the mental health front.  And, although we were already technically divorced (less than a week), I became completely incapacitated and needed round-the-clock care.  I never imagined anything like that could or would happen to me.  Despite everything, Michael came through for me and has been tending me every second that he can, determined that I wouldn't be put into some in-patient facility.  Mom and Stephenie, my sis, have also helped take care of me, but it's been Michael round-the-clock, as much as he's able while still working.
Marital status?  As far as I'm concerned, we still feel married.  If I needed proof that he loves me, I think that's been given.  Of course, our old problems aren't going to magically disappear, and I see bits of them cropping up already as I am improving.  I suppose maybe counseling will help, but I'm enmeshed in my own extreme problems at the moment, and he's still my bouey.
Sigh.  Our relationship has had so many ups and downs, and I was tired of that.  Tired of the kids being exposed to that.  But maybe my treatment--which includes a deluge of prescription drugs for the first time ever in my life--may help, I hope.
We're engaged for now.  I worry about the future--whether to rush into getting married again right away.  I mean, we're living as a married couple still/again.  It seems right to 'fix' the paperwork end of things, but the divorce wasn't just willy-nilly, and I wonder if we should wait until I'm not quite so desperately helpless.  He wonders that, actually, to my surprise.  Imagine that?  He doesn't like not getting along, either.
But perhaps my mental health issues are a part of the root of the whole problem.  :(  I'm still not certain about anything, but I am extremely grateful to Michael and my family for helping me through this excruciating time in my life.  And, if he'll have me, I do plan and hope to work things out with Michael.  We've talked about getting re-married on our 20th anniversary, as in 'renewal of vows', but we'll see.  I'm not particularly sentimental, so if Michael's not quite ready by then, I'm okay with that.  He's been my hero through this, and, if there is such a thing as a silver lining to that dark, dark cloud, it's that he's proved that he cares for me and will push himself through exhaustion and weariness to help me.  It might seem silly to sound surprised, but the degree of his care has blown me away.  I'm not sure I would do that, even if I were able to--which I'm not.
So that's the update on our relationship status, and I'm afraid I have to retract that whole 'great guy on the market', because he's not.  I've got him rather busy for now, and we're engaged again, so apologies for my roller-coaster posts.  I did mean it, but I'm crazy (they won't let me say that, but we all think it).
Hopefully things will get better, and the roller-coaster ride will level out.  They make me a bit ill, as in actual motion sickness, and it's time to get off that ride--but it looks like we'll be doing it together, to my surprise.