Finding Balance

We watched Kronk's New Groove with the kids last night. After Kronk tells the kid holding up the sign saying 'GO TEIM' that there's no 'I' in 'team', Ms. Birdwell (Birdy-poo) says to Kronk, "But there's a 'you' in Euphoric" and he says back, "There's a 'me' in mediocre!" Such cute word plays...just love 'em.

Our family went to a memorial service for a local friend yesterday evening. She was a deep thinker, and she loved very serious writers. In comparison, I feel sort of frivolous and silly with my passion for kids' books and even kids' movies. Honestly, I haven't given Flannery O'Connor or Ernest Hemingway much of my time...any time, really. I think I read a little Hemingway for school, and I liked it fine, but that's it.

The service was held at a beautiful Methodist Church downtown. It was packed. The speakers were extremely thoughtful, and they struggled to be uplifting. While I didn't feel their portrayal of her was complete (not that I could be 'complete', as I wasn't extremely close to her), they were very sincere and heartfelt and actually did present many of her more inspirational qualities. A beautiful observation by one friend was that she was 'a barometer' for how all the people around them were doing emotionally.

Such a beautiful service, but I felt an annoyance again chiselling at me after I heard the umpteenth reference to her 'distinctive' laugh and suggestions of her perpetual optimistic outlook. I suppose it didn't feel true to me--though, again, I wasn't extremely close to her.

What I am wrestling with, I suppose, has to do with Truth and Balance and Managing in Life. This friend left behind a family...a husband and two young girls about 12 and 9. I suppose for them, it's best to lean towards 'Managing in Life'...and, while the memories seemed a bit skewed, to my knowledge they weren't completely untrue. I think those elements did exist in her personality, at least at times...(and what do I know, really? I'm just trying to process this reaction.)

It's continually on my mind how odd it is that each of us sees the world from a completely different vantage point. Such a strange and limited perspective...and I can only remark on the world from my own limited perspective, and yet I feel so strongly that my opinions and intuitions and observations are the right ones, just as we all do...

Anyhow, I suppose it's partly the irony that hits me. My intuition tells me that this friend, like me, dwelled in Seeking Truth Land more than in Managing in Life Realm. Not that we choose to, it's simply our natures--and the darker part of our natures in that this generally means wrestling with issues that bother us. Therefore, when her memorial service is more skewed towards Managing in Life, it particularly bothered me. However, she is gone and her family has been left to deal with her loss. They do need to Manage in Life, and if it's easier to do with a skewed perspective, then perhaps that is best--if they can actually limit their perspectives to that Realm.

My nature says what I seek is Truth, but must we always seek Truth and Perfection? For it doesn't exist, in reality, in any sort of pure form. Truth and Justice seem so urgent to me, and are so urgent (especially when considering the environment, human rights violations, etc...), but Basic Happiness is also important. We could all worry ourselves into oblivion, and that's a waste of a perfectly good life. Especially for us who have actually been fortunate enough to be handed extremely kind fates.

Besides, Truth is not only blatant injustices and complex, disturbing issues. It's the sweet hug of your daughter, the affectionate teasing of your son, and the thoughtful texts from your husband; it's the rush of endorphins after a workout, the sound of the birds singing, the feel of soothing water. Would that I focus on these Truths more and the disturbing ones less! Kindness and beauty surround us.

It's unrealistic for me to try to ignore the other Truths that shout at me to be noticed. Others may be more successful at that, and I have a little envy of their ability to just 'be happy'. However, as my best friend recently said she is trying to do, I will 'embrace my nature'. It's a gift to be intuitive and introspective and insightful, and I should be grateful and cherish these innate qualities.

However, I should also look to the wisdom of Managing in Life by seeking to focus on and honor the beauties and positive Truths of daily life. You know, I think that's actually why I enjoy the kids' movies and films so much. They can simplify, take out much of the complexity of life, and often present truths more clearly than you can get them out of realistic, more mature and complicated materials. There's not so much mucking up of the positive Truths. That, and I think bright, funny, comical materials like Sophie Kinsella's books help to balance me out a bit. I need those happy, positive, cheerful folks in my life!