Ugh! It is so hard to find the right balance with our kids. Sometimes 'helpful' people are simply wrong, and it becomes frustrating to get input that leads us in the wrong direction. I'm speaking of the kids' school teachers now...
Okay, so, the lesser infraction first... Alex's teacher is pushing him to read books at higher AR levels. The AR level translates to 'difficulty', basically. However, the problem is that my boy is perfectly and appropriately immature. Smart and sweet and immature...lovely! I have no burning desire to see him enter the world of teenage emotional angst, and I love to see him playing innocent childhood games. He enjoys reading silly books and some mysteries, like 39 Clues and Hardy Boys. The problem is that most books targeted at his emotional age level are also fairly low AR levels (and by this I mean his correct age level!), whereas Alex has been tested at a very high reading ability, hence the teacher's pressure to read more advanced fiction books.
I wouldn't be so upset at this if I hadn't gotten caught up in buying the teacher's suggestions at first. I went to the library and asked the librarian about her recommendations. She shared my concern about unsuitable material and expressed her own dismay about the idea. In fact, we came to a joint decision that he clearly doesn't need to worry about his reading level, as he can already comprehend 12th grade level materials, according to his test scores!
Isn't that a shame, to sully his mind with inappropriate fictional content when he clearly doesn't need to worry about it?
Whew! Okay, that's my soapbox, but hold on... this is a personalized, Montessori education. The child should progress at his own level, and, since he's reading at an advanced level, shouldn't we be striving to improve that? I suppose that is the logic wherein the teacher influenced me, but I would have to say that his innocence is the priority, and there are LOADS of studies that he can beneficially occupy his time learning. Besides, what's the point of a high reading level? For those other studies, right?
Alex has always been prone to be sensitive and slightly inclined towards anxiety and depression, but that tendency has been far less noticeable in the past 3 years or so. I feel a burden of guilt about that tendency, which I feel has been due to both nature (my own DNA) and nurture (my influence), and I am greatly relieved that he seems to have achieved a healthy, happy disposition for the most part. Yes, I'm irritated at his teacher's misguided suggestion, but I must say that I've been thrilled with her overall influence on Alex. She is mellow and grounded and seems to have a very healthy, fun, and somewhat laid-back attitude about her class. I just wanted to throw that in, after all my fussing!
The second infraction bothers me more because it concerns a criticism of my child. Fiona's teacher began sending home progress reports suggesting she was distracted and unfocused right away. Honestly, I didn't worry about it, as I know she's bright and prone to daydreaming and frankly don't care a whole lot! Sounds perfectly healthy to me, though of course I have some sympathy that the teacher may have to remind her to focus a bit, but overall she's a model child and that's not such a big deal!
However, starting this 2010 year, the progress reports became more serious, to the point where she was receiving notes of 'Needs Constant Guidance' on a daily basis. It finally got to me, and I reacted, including seeking suggestions from others and worrying that I would receive recommendations to get her tested for ADD and medications!
To be fair, maybe I did need to give it a little bit of attention. I began speaking with her about focusing and would follow up daily on how much she'd done at school, and within two weeks her progress report labeled her as 'Independent' every day!
I don't know... maybe that attention was needed, but my reaction was, "She was perfectly fine, and the teacher overreacted!" I don't like seeing my seven-year-old constantly worrying about finishing work plans. Yes, I want her to master the material, but that's never been a problem, and I'm fairly certain she's always done a fairly good job. She's a slow worker, as was I, and I honestly think speed is overrated. In fact, I have some concern that she's likely not spending as much time processing, simply so she can hurry through the content now. What a shame.
This perfectionist feels strongly that perfectionism is damaging and leads to unhappiness. I struggle not to stress my children by pressuring them to be perfect, but it's all too easy to give way when the teachers trigger that dam to open.
Fiona has always been my little ray of sunshine, and I hate to see worry darkening her brow. Alex has always been prone towards anxiety, but he has been happy as a lark much of the time in the past couple of years. I have the strong tendency to pressure them, honestly, and I hate when I realize that I'm applying even more pressure because of someone else's concerns. I can smother and easily make them miserable if I'm not careful, as I can be the wrathful, brooding parent quite easily. I'd rather let them achieve less and be happy, if I can simply control my own concerns and let go. So, this blog is essentially venting my frustration at the teachers' influencing me to lose that resolve!
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